The holiday season is nothing without pie. Yet, every year families are torn apart trying to decide which ones should grace the table. Fear no more because here’s a highly scientific ranking of pie that can definitely be cited in your graduate school dissertation or at your next family argument about Thanksgiving. See where your favorite pie ranks:
17. Mincemeat Pie
First of all, what a misleading name. Mincemeat pie is mostly apples and figs, with just a lil bit of beef fat thrown in for some meaty goodness. Clearly, it cannot be trusted. Bye.
16. Pecan Pie
Photo by Jessica Payne
Hear me out, diehard fans. Pecans in their own right are delicious. However, pecan pie is usually desecrated with cloyingly sweet corn syrup, earning it a low spot. Cut back on that and then maybe we’ll talk. Or make them into muffins like this.
15. Coconut Cream Pie
Is that grated coconut or sawdust in there? That weird texture is not conducive to joyous pie eating. Definitely one of those desserts that gets picked up at the grocery store while running late for a dinner party.
14. Sweet Potato Pie
If I had my way you’d be number 1, but sadly, most people think you’re just the less-loved cousin of pumpkin. Sweet potatoes, it looks like your only place in this cruel world is to be covered in marshmallows at Thanksgiving.
13. Banana Cream Pie
Reminiscent of banana pudding, but also weirdly seems like a pie only eaten by old ladies having a tea party. Good? Sure, but not good enough to break the top 10.
12. Lemon Meringue Pie
Photo by Jocelyn Hsu
Thank you, Amelia Bedelia, for introducing children of the world to lemon meringue pie. It’s tart and fluffy all at once, and the tower of meringue looks damn impressive. Downside: Meringue can be difficult to master for an amateur baker, so best to leave this one to the pros. Make your own lemon meringue pie like this.
11. Chocolate Pecan Pie
You have redeemed yourself, pecan pie. Adding chocolate to almost anything is a surefire to win fans. You’re movin’ on up in the world.
10. Cherry Pie
Arguably the most picturesque pie. Another tart/sweet combo that wins over the hearts of many in just a few bites. However, it loses points because pitting cherries takes an eternity.
9. Chocolate Pie
Photo by Jocelyn Hsu
Chocolate, you damn crowd pleaser. The only people that don’t like chocolate in a pie are strange and probably plotting against us all. You can make your own like this.
8. Chicken Pot Pie
Photo by Peter Cheng
The perfect food to warm you up when winter is coming. Chicken pot pie, you may have once been overshadowed by every fruit pie known to man, but not anymore. It’s time you receive the respect you deserve. You can make your own like this.
7. Key Lime Pie
It tastes like spring break in your mouth. Who loves spring break? Everyone. Therefore, key lime pie rocks. Make sure to snag a piece that isn’t dyed sickly green, though. The authentic version is pale yellow.
6. Strawberry Rhubarb Pie
A pie to make you sound way classier than you actually are. Strawberries and rhubarb? Definitely fit for royalty. Or make it into a crisp like this.
5. Oreo Pie
Photo by Xinwei Zeng
The Oreo has often been called the best cookie on earth. Pair it with a luscious cream cheese filling to make a pie that appeases the pickiest of toddlers and crankiest of great-aunts. Or make it super decadent with this peanut butter oreo pie recipe.
4. Berry Pie
Photo by Kristin Brennan
Whether on their own or in any combination, blackberries, strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries make for one hell of a pie. Embrace the beauty of summer and stuff your face with an entire berry pie. No one will notice, since everyone else is doing it, too. Make your own cherry berry pie like this.
3. Pumpkin Pie
Basic bitches rejoice because your favorite pie made the top 3. Rumor has it that if you do not consume at least one pumpkin flavored food each day during fall, sweater weather will cease to exist as we know it. Save us all, eat pumpkin pie. Now you can even take your pumpkin pie on the go like this.
2. Peach Pie
Undeniable fact: Summer is the best season of the year. Summer is also peak season for one of the best fruits of all time — peaches. Nothing will ever beat picking a sun-warmed peach straight off a tree. Peach pie, we will always love you.
1. Apple Pie
Can I get a USA chant? Thank you apple pie for being patriotic and delicious all at once. A pie with that kind of resume is a force to be reckoned with, thus earning it the number one spot on this list, in our hearts, and in our stomachs. Apple pie, we salute your timeless, unwavering beauty. You can make your own mini dorm-friendly version here.