If you haven’t heard the news yet, there is a pumpkin shortage. Yes. A real pumpkin shortage. Cue crying in the fetal position. As a basic white girl and lover of all things pumpkin this I feel your pain.
The AP is predicting that all of the canned pumpkin will run out before Thanksgiving. This year the crops took a major hit due to flooding and rotting, so go to the grocery store and stock up. To help with you cope, we are letting Parks and Rec explain your stages of pumpkin withdrawal.
1. When you first read this article.
2. When you read this article a second time to make sure you weren’t dreaming.
3. When it finally hits you.
4. Denial is bound to happen.
5. When you give up on the world.
6. When life is meaningless.
7. When you decide to become a hermit.
8. When you try to cry with your friend but they don’t understand.
9. When you realize that alcohol is the only solution.
10. But that only makes it worse.
11. When you decide to go to the grocery store and buy ALL THE PUMPKIN.
12. But you and another basic white girl have the same idea.
13. When you scare her away.
14. When you celebrate because you win and everyone else loses.
15. But then you eat too much pumpkin…
16. But it doesn’t even matter since you have enough pumpkin to last the winter.