With final projects and exams looming in the not-so-distant future, sleep is probably the closest it’s been to the bottom of your To Do list all semester. What better time to channel your inner Lorelai Gilmore and chug as many cups of coffee as you can?
Grab a mug or head to the nearest Starbucks and let everyone’s favorite TV mom guide you through the stages of coffee addiction you are about to undergo.
And, in case you missed the big news, check out this article on Netflix’s reboot of Gilmore Girls.
Stage One: Denial
So you start your day off with a cup of coffee or five. Big deal. It’s not like you have a problem. You could totally not drink coffee if you wanted to.
Stage Two: Emotional Sipping
When you’re bummed or burned out, coffee is the solace you turn to for comfort and relief. Coffee is the tropical island getaway you can’t afford to take. Coffee is your closest friend.
Stage Three: Loathing
Waking up, getting out of bed, interacting with other people… That shit is the worst. Coffee is the armor that protects you from the life’s cruel responsibilities. And it’s always important to use protection.
Stage Four: Calling for reinforcements
A regular cup of joe just isn’t going to cut it anymore. You’ve started singing “Shots” by LMFAO when the barista takes your espresso order.
Stage Four: Self Doubt
You’re starting to wonder if you have a slight problem. You can’t really remember the last time you slept, and your whole body feels jittery all the time. But you still haven’t started the essay that’s due tomorrow, so… Another grande iced mocha it is.
Stage Six: Intervention
Hearing other people tell you that you have a problem makes you realize how perfectly fine you actually are. They just don’t understand the special bond you and coffee share. Don’t worry, you tell them. Everything is under control.
Stage Seven: Life Support
You don’t just drink your caffeine anymore. You inhale it, you inject it, you become it. You have no idea where the coffee stops and where you begin. Everything is a hazy, jittery blur.
Stage Eight: Acceptance
Coffee is the mastermind behind every great thing you accomplish. Every essay you write the night before it’s due, every final exam you’ve ever crammed for — coffee has been by your side through it all.
Stage Nine: Owning It
By now, your Instagram is most likely a catalog of Starbucks cups. You definitely have a “No Coffee, No Workee” sticker on your laptop. When people think of you, they think of coffee. And you wouldn’t want it any other way.