At first, rainbow foods were innocent and aesthetically pleasing: funfetti, sour gummy belts, shaved ice. The colors were magical and seemed fitting for such fun sweet treats. Rainbow food, like all things, were alright in moderation for carnival-themed events and candy stores. And then came the biggest abomination to arrive on this planet: the infamous rainbow bagel.
Do you see this vile, unnatural concoction? I’m all for color, but I find these to be just unsightly. With their neon colors and cream cheese frosting spread, rainbow bagels from The Bagel Store have become the hottest new trend. As rainbow foods like these are getting more and more popular, hipster restaurants and cafes are jumping on this garish bandwagon to create even more rainbow abominations. I am mildly alright with rainbow bagels being trendy and all, but the following six colorful messes have taken the rainbow food trend way too far:
1. Rainbow Pasta
Do you see this beast? It looks like the cardboard box of tangled wires with unknown origins in my basement at home. Why do people think this is necessary? Shouldn’t the pale yellow of semolina be enough?
2. Rainbow Lattes
Okay, I’ll admit, these are pretty cool but to be quite honest, it looks like paint and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Do you want to be drinking paint? Neither do I. However, I suppose I’d be willing to try these pieces of art from Sambalatte in Las Vegas.
3. Rainbow Sushi
Haven’t you defiled sushi enough with your cream cheese and chunks of fruit? This just looks like the scales of Rainbow Fish, as in the self-absorbed eponymous character from the popular children’s book.
4. Rainbow Sandwich Bread
Just look at that colorful, psychedelic monstrosity. It kind of reminds me of the homemade playdough that my mom and I would make as a child, using obscene amounts of cream of tartar and food coloring. I never would have dreamed actually creating a rainbow food out of my school projects and yet, here we are with this sad reality.
5. Rainbow Hot Dogs
No, just no. This is just so unnecessary. Look at those poor sausages trapped in such absurdly colorful breaded casing. How would you even begin to eat this in the first place?
6. Rainbow Grilled Cheese
Finally, the most atrocious of all that is multicolored: the rainbow grilled cheese. This honestly just looks liked a discolored gum wall, but people are obsessed with the unicorn toastie from KALA Toast in Hong Kong. A melted mix of mozzarella, cheddar, emmental and gruyere seasoned with lavendar, basil, and tomato, this would be so much better without the neon colors.