When summed up, Jewish holidays can seem pretty similar—someone tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat. The primary difference? The food. Especially useful if you are a Goy wondering when to invite yourself over to your Jewish friend’s house, this ranking will give you an idea of the best and the worst Jewish food our holidays can offer.
6. Rosh Hashanah
While we can all agree that round challah tastes a gazillion times better than regular challah, the traditional star of the meal are the apples dipped in honey. Delicious? Yes, but not all that special. Maybe try to jazz yours up with some PB and toast.
Sukkot—also known as the harvest festival—is actually the reason that one of our favorite Jewish holidays (hint: may or may not have included some miraculous, long-lasting oil) exists in the first place. Traditionally, Sukkot celebrations include kreplach, a meat and potato-filled dumpling in chicken broth, and a variety of foods (like these butternut squash tacos) to honor the holiday’s harvest origins. We love eating local, but Sukkot is missing that extra oomph in its cuisine.
While matzo is reminiscent of cardboard, the food at the Seder is incomparable. Who could say no to matzo ball soup and flourless chocolate cake? Passover is our chance to experiment with the gluten-free ~lifestyle~ and to attempt at making glorified crackers edible. We appreciate the challenge, but maybe not for eight days.
Latkes, whether eaten with apple sauce or sour cream, are definitely fried potato joy. They are also a pain to make and super messy, which keeps Hannukah out of the top spot.
Hamentaschen, jelly doughnuts, oy vey! Definitely some delicious treats available on this holiday. Also, what better way to say “f*** off” to a villain than to figuratively eat their head?
1. Yom Kippur
This may seem counter intuitive because you literally can’t eat all day. However, break fast (not a typo, we literally “break” our day-long fast) makes it all worth it. Nothing is better than a good bagel and lox after a long day of starvation. Coupled with sweet noodle kugle, it is perfection.
While there are definitely highs and lows, in the end it’s all shades of gray, because you know when you’re eating Jewish food, you’re eating well.