Ordering food is a process. But not nearly as much as cooking or, in my case, walking around the dining hall in search of good eats, so why not treat yo’self? It’s less of a process when you use EatStreet, but all of us girls still go through the same embarrassingly real stages to get that food in our stomachs.
Stage 1: The Hungry Friend Search
Let’s be real, ordering food is kind of depressing if you’re alone. Like you would totally do it, but there’s less guilt involved if you find a friend. Plus, you need someone else to meet the delivery minimum amount, which leads to stage one: the hungry friend search.
You send it in the group text and get angsty when no one responds within the first three minutes. You’re on the verge of hangry and, if they were true friends, they could read that in the subtext.
Desperation has you about to order two meals to meet the minimum and certify how pathetic you are, until someone finally responds, “I’m down.” Even if you just told your other friend you don’t like her that much, your heart swells like the Grinch’s at the end of the cartoon version and she’s now the best. But wait, where are we ordering from?
Stage 2: The Annoyingly Polite Indecision
You ask your new-found best food friend where she wants to order from and she immediately becomes the worst person ever – “I don’t care, you pick.” Obviously you say the same thing when someone asks you, but she should just make up her damn mind. I mean come on, you’re starving.
You decide to settle on something a little more basic, breakfast food. You don’t want to force it down her throat, so you smile and politely respond, “Hmmm, I don’t care either.”
Why do you have to be so obnoxiously nice? Your hunger is making you lose your cool, so you pick Fleetwood Diner and make her deal with it. This diner is an Ann Arbor staple, but now with EatSreet, there’s no need to go out and fight the late night crowd.
Now to tackle the menu. Luckily, EatStreet has the menu to each participating restaurant right on their website, which makes things a lot easier. You both finally make a decision (the famous hippie hash) and click “Add to Cart.” You’ve met the minimum and your order has been accepted.
Stage 3: The Ticking Time Bomb
Once you’ve submitted your order, there is absolutely nothing on this earth to do besides watch the clock and listen to your stomach growl. Small talk with your friend starts, but you’d both just rather be eating and don’t really care what the other has to say.
So you sit and wait, oh god, this is painful. How long has it been? Only about 7 minutes. Wow. How many times can one say, “I’m so hungry,” before it gets annoying? I guess we’ll just have to test that out.
Stage 4: Good Vibrations
You’ve managed to wait it out and you’re nearing the 45-minute mark, the ETA is upon us. Suddenly, potentially from sheer mind power as your eyes bore into your phone screen, it lights up and starts buzzing as your embarrassing ringtone starts to play. No need to fear though because you’re answering that phone halfway through the first ring.
The words, “Hi are you here great I’ll be right down thank you so much,” stumble over each other while coming out of your mouth and you’re moving to the door faster than ever before, dodging single shoes and extra hangers like the American Ninja Warrior.
Stage 5: An Enthusiasm Unknown to Mankind
You thank the nice delivery boy while throwing him a couple extra for bringing you pure happiness in a brown paper bag and run-walk back to your room with the bundle of goodies in your hands.
Tearing the bag open, you take your food, leaving your friend’s food in the bag because politeness is totally overrated at this point. Mind on one thing and one thing only: you’re about to attack your oversized breakfast and as our good friend Jim Harbaugh puts it, with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.
This post is sponsored by EatStreet.