Goodbye, winter. Lips now chapped, skin paled, and hair darkened. The only thing to pick ourselves up from the cold and dry is hot and wet. And there’s nothing more reinvigorating than a steamy cup of spiced chai with just a hint lemon zest.
Tea is a way of living. If you’re a tea snob, it’s what gets you up in the morning and puts you to bed at night. This list of what tea snobs do on the daily is by no means exhaustive. True tea snobs will come up with a handful on their own. Are you one, too?
1. You’re pretty sure “tea” is the meal that comes before breakfast.
… And after. Asking people to “tea” is common terminology for you. It’s the meal where you do your best socializing.
2. Yesterday you burnt your tongue on your first sip because you couldn’t wait the extra minute.
It’s a battle scar you’re willing to sport.
3. Your ideal mug is bigger than your face.
Simple logic: more mug = more tea = more happiness.
4. You refer to your coffee days as that “experimental stage” of your premature life.
You were young and stupid then. It was what all the cool kids were doing.
5. You’ve considered naming your first daughter Jasmine or Chrysanthemum more than once.
She’ll play nice with your puppy, Chai-Latte.
6. You don’t understand drinking milk without chai.
People just drink that stuff plain? Like without the tea?
7. The first thing that occurs to you during a power shortage is how you will boil water.
Even just mentioning that freaked you out, and now you’re preordering a solar-powered kettle.
8. You don’t consider care packages valid unless they contain at least three new varieties of tea.
No one wants to be around you when you open up a package containing only a few magazines, chocolate bars, and homemade granola. No one.
Unless, of course, they’re tea-infused chocolates. Then you’ll let it slide. For now.
9. You always buy in bulk.
Who knows when the next tea shortage will hit? It’s scarier than the guac-pocalypse. Stocking up is essential.
10. You distinguish between shades of green by using varieties of tea.
What a pretty Sencha green chair. Too bad it clashes with that Matcha green rug.
11. You think drinking tea in a coffee shop is sin.
You can’t trust those people. They’re into some shady stuff.
12. You can spell and say rooibos correctly.
And you get super psyched when you sniff it out in a blend.
13. You know black teas require boiling water at 207.5°F, and greens steaming at 182°F.
Well duhhhh. Here are some more tea facts you already know.
14. You use the word “tisane” instead of “herbal tea.”
You make a point of this.
“What’s your favorite kind of herbal tea?”
“My favorite TISANE is passion.”
15. You’re never fully dressed without your canister.
It’s your go-to accessory. Stainless steel, insulated, and self-expressive. Is there any other kind?
16. You don’t get tired until you’ve had your chamomile.
Just the smell of it makes you yawn.
17. If a guy takes you out to a restaurant with an insufficient tea selection, he doesn’t get a second date.
It’s not you, it’s him.
18. Whenever it drops below 30°F, you readily swap your shot glass for your mug.
Saturday nights in are more common than not. Spiked tea is also an option.
19. You’re not sure whether you gift tea to others to spread the love, or to make sure you’re covered when you visit their homes.
It’s your way of keeping everyone’s best interests in mind.
20. You always brush your teeth right before bed in case you have the sudden urge to have some last minute tea.
Turning down a swig of ginger tea because you already hit the mouthwash is unimaginable.
21. When eating out, you make a habit of asking for hot water and using your own sachet.
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