First semester of freshman year is hard enough, but now you have the added pressure to go to the CCRB because of all the weight you’re gaining. Here are a few reasons why you’re gaining the freshman 15 at Michigan that you probably didn’t think about (and that you probably won’t be able to stop thinking about).
1. Ice cream in the dining halls
Why is it so geniously placed? I can’t tell you how many times I thought I was going to skip ice cream at a meal and was surprise attacked by the careful placement of the soft serve machine. *tries to leave* *how did a cone get in my hand*
2. The famous question: Marinara or Ranch?
Feta bread is a staple at Michigan, and whether you like it or not, you probably order it anyway. We’re all scared to actually know how many calories are in it, but can assume roughly 9,000. So whyyyy is pizza house prompting me to dip it into even more fattening calories when they ask what sauces I want?
3. Pizza house delivers into the AM. Oh.
You had Mojo at 7, you made it through a long night of studying, but now you’re home and you feel so hungry for no reason. The options at this hour aren’t great, but don’t worry because Pizza House is here for you, delivering until 4 in the morning.
4. Continuous service at South Quad and Mojo
How can this not hurt your chances of looking good over Spring Break? You’ve been doing work all day and want to grab a cup of coffee from the dining hall, but as soon as you walk in it smells too good not to eat a late-lunch or early dinner. Yes, 4 meals in one day just had to happen. Ugh.
5. Mojo coookieessss
You came, you ate, you repeated. Enough said. #dininghall
6. Bert’s Cafe
Being stressed definitely leads to stress eating, that’s why Bert’s Cafe is a big issue us freshmen face. Conveniently located right when you walk into the UGLi, it’s hard not to buy that 2-day-old soggy peanut butter and jelly sandwich just because it’s there. It also feels free because you know, dining hall dollars aren’t real.
7. Blue M’s
Blue M’s were created by the nutritionists at this university in order to show students how to make healthy choices. But they are placed on the weirdest, unhealthiest things. You might find yourself eating four bowls of angel hair pasta with Alfredo sauce because of these unfortunate M’s.
8. Twigs late night
The dining hall closed! Yay! Now you know there won’t be much more eating going on. But wait. Twigs late night is open from the time the rest of the dining halls close till you can’t take no more. AND all they serve is chicken fingers, fries, and mozz sticks.
9. Personal pizza
Not only is there “Pizziti” in the dining halls with special lighting on it to make it look dank, but if you live in Markley—which you probably do—you can also make your own pizza whenever you want.
10. Why is there rice in everything?
I think I can eat a burger without a scoop of rice, but thanks though.
11. You never have cash on you, but you DEF have your MCard
Your MCard conveniently works everywhere on campus. Dining hall dollars aren’t real money, and your parents think it’s fun to add BlueBucks so you always have a lot. Cheetos before every class? Too much Ahmo’s froyo to breathe? It’s the Mcards…
12. Cheesy bread when you’re studying
13. Cheesy bread after a night out
14. Cheesy bread when you drop Calc I
15. Cheesy bread whenever you’re breathing…
You probably came into Freshman year excited to look cute in a Mich crop top on game day, but let’s be real it’s much more important to swallow cheesy bread whole.