We all love a good trip to Whole Foods. But sometimes we are just not in the mood to get tugged on by a screaming child, or take on the produce aisle obstacle course created by that particularly clumsy shopper. For better or for worse, we are bound to see these 15 people pacing the aisles of Whole Foods, making each shopping trip a memorable adventure.
1. The Coupon Hoarder
This person spends valuable minutes in the check-out line panning through their over-sized purses trying to find their Whole Foods coupons. Not only do they try to use five coupons in one visit, they also have the skill to convince the cashier to take the expired ones. Let’s be real though, how could any cashier say no to that smooth-talking grandma?
2. The Lost Newbie
It’s a Sunday. Dad is off from work, so he is sent by his wife to the grocery store. As he wanders aimlessly through the aisles, he stops every five minutes asking you or another shopper where he can find the artisan mozzarella cheese. Then he caves and calls his wife for much needed direction.
3. The Health Guru
This person can be found scanning the nutrition label of every single item they pick up. They are focused, but also don’t see you trying to reach the shelf they are blocking. The real question: Do they even know what high fructose corn syrup is?
4. The Self-Checkout Rookie
If you get stuck behind one of these people, you are better off going to the regular register. There’s only so many times you can hear the machine voice say, “Please remove item from the belt.”
5. The Unhappy Camper
It’s been a long day and mom and has dragged you to the grocery store. You don’t understand how the 10 bags of M&M’s could possibly be bad for you. We know you’re just a tired 7 year old, but once the arms start flailing and the tears start rolling, everyone’s shopping experience becomes a bit less enjoyable.
6. The Phone Gabber
I know we all like to multi-task, but some phone conversations should be done in the privacy of your own home. We do not need to hear you describe to your bff how your match.com date went last night.
7. The Free Sampler
We watch this person from a far as they walk up to the sample table, take five, and say that they are bringing some to their friends. Then we watch them eat all of the samples by themselves in the next aisle over. They make a lap around the store and do it all again. Honestly, we dislike this person because we wish we had their guts.
8. The Overachiever
These people are on a mission. They have their grocery list in hand and know how to be efficient. They know what they want and exactly where to get it. These are the Whole Foods groupies, and know the store like the back of their hand. We mostly dislike them because they seem to have it all figured out and we are secretly jealous of their skills.
9. The Newlyweds
They hold hands together down the aisles. The husband helps his wife reach for the brussel sprouts on the top shelf. They whisper secrets in each other’s ears in the dairy section. Cute, but not what I want to see as I’m getting ready for my date with Ben and Jerry.
10. The Kate Plus Eight
Babysitter’s out of town, Dad’s at work, so the kids are taking a trip to the grocery store. You will find them in each and every corner of the store wreaking havoc; while mom is in another aisle, unphased. Can someone please stop this 5-year-old from throwing stale cheerios on the floor? To her credit, she is outnumbered. But now I have a lost kid pulling on my leg.
11. The Snacker
We all get hungry while grocery shopping, but these people will walk around the entire store munching on the things they have put in their cart. Ummm are you going to pay for that? Spoon tip: To not be this person, head to Whole Foods after having a big meal.
12. The Line Cutter
No, they are not calling lotto numbers at the deli counter. Those are the numbers of the people who have taken a ticket and are waiting to place their order. Please follow accordingly.
13. The Human Tornado
These people have no control over their grocery carts, plowing through the aisles with oversized “go green” shopping bags, and knocking down every major display there is. The worst part: not picking any of it up afterwards. Not only do they hit into the displays, but they also hit into you. The grocery carts are not bumper cars, please go around me.
14. The Salad Bar Picker
The Whole Foods salad bar spread is ahhmazinggg. But just because the food is out in the open, unpackaged, does not mean it is free for the picking. I’ll have the salad, but hold the extra germs please.
15. The Uninformed Employee
*Asks employee where the papaya is located. Employee responds they do not have papaya.
*Turns corner to find the stack of papaya.
We love them. We hate them. We love to hate them. But it would not be a food shopping experience without them.