There’s no need to be ashamed if you find yourself rummaging through the deep depths of your freezer at 1 am, searching for ice cream. Chances are, you’re in a relationship with the sweet, frozen stuff. No need to worry, though—I’m sure it loves you just as much as you love it.
1. Weather literally has zero effect on your ice cream eating habits
Below freezing, you say? Perfect, then I won’t have to deal with it dripping down my arm.
2. Bowls have lost their necessity
Why waste a perfectly good bowl, that I’ll then have to wash, when I know I’m probably just gonna eat it all anyway?
3. You’re unfazed by the judgment of others
What’s that? Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of the whipped cream canister. Speaking of which, do you have any chocolate syrup? I ran out.
4. You attempt to make sharing look as unappealing as possible
Sure, you can have a bite. Sorry, it’s just dripping a little, let me just get this spot first. *slobbers all over the cone*
5. Ben and Jerry are the only men you need in your life
Am I feeling more Phish Food or Cinnamon Buns? Maybe I’m in more of an Americone Dream mood? I guess I’ll just have to get them all.
6. You can pretty much justify pairing it with anything
What do you mean ice cream doesn’t go with everything? There’s cake and ice cream, cookies with ice cream, pizza with ice cream, rom-coms with ice cream, wine with ice cream…
7. You frequently have to pretend you don’t know where all the ice cream went
I really don’t know where it went! I really did mean it when I promised this morning was going to be the last time I ate all your ice cream.
8. It’s the only thing that can make you feel better in times of crisis
I swear this is a crisis. There is literally not a single washing machine available. I really am inconsolable. I think this justifies ice cream.
9. You wouldn’t dream of wasting it, even for flirting purposes
You’re so cute and I’m having a really great time on this date, but maybe we should just each get our own ice cream instead of sharing one?
10. Giving up ice cream is non-negotiable
Sure, I’ll do your juice cleanse with you. Milkshakes are juice, right?
11. Running out of ice cream is a state of emergency
What do you mean you can’t help me? My whole life I’ve been told to call 911 if there was an emergency, this is an emergency!
12. Your friends have come to accept your obsession, and now embrace it with you
You got a brain freeze? Aw, it’s cute how new you are to this. Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out eventually.