That time of the month has come where I feel the urge to blow my entire week’s paycheck at a high-end restaurant because YOLO. You best believe that throughout my 21 years of living, I’ve become quite the fancy restaurant connoisseur, and I’m damn-well proud of it. However, I’ve picked up some common mistakes that these restaurants make that can really bring the experience from 100 to 0 real f-ing quick.
1. Waiting for more than 10 minutes, even after making a reservation
I get it. Sometimes restaurants get overbooked to try to accommodate all of their customers. I personally hate when waiters try to rush me out the door so they can turn over the table. But when I make a reservation somewhere, I expect the restaurant to be waiting for my arrival when I get there.
2. When the lighting is too f-ing dim
Not only can’t I see who I’m dining with, but I also can’t see the fifty dollar plate of foie gras sitting in front of me. It also makes it really hard to take worthy foodie pics. We all know the struggle.
3. When there is no ice water on the table
This isn’t Europe. I shouldn’t have to pay for it, and I definitely shouldn’t have to ask for it.
4. Cold bread
Seriously? It takes all of 5 minutes to pop it in the oven and heat that ish up. And it makes a hell of a difference.
5. …Or no bread at all
Chances are, you’ve been starving yourself all day to really indulge in this meal, and by the time dinner comes, you’re absolutely ravenous. Give me something to snack on PLEASE.
6. When the menu is too big
Both physically and in length. Trust me, a girl loves her options. But too many options can make her reaaal insecure about what to choose. There’s a balance between too many options, and not enough. The hard part is figuring out such balance. The physical size of the menu can be just as much of a hassle to deal with. There are glassware, plates, silverware and (sometimes) a candle on the table to begin with.. Now try to maneuver a 12″x9″ menu and fit it on the table, without breaking anything. It’s a lot harder than it looks.
7. Arrogant waiters
Don’t talk down to me. Don’t ignore me. And please don’t make me feel like I shouldn’t be in this restaurant. Just because I’m not 50 years old and in a business suit, does not mean I am a child. My money is just as good as anyone else’s, and I expect to be treated with respect.
8. When there is no music playing
I came to this type of establishment for the experience; in other words, all of my senses should be in tact, not just my taste buds. That includes having appropriate music playing while I eat my dinner. There doesn’t need to be a smooth jazz live band playing (although it would be nice). Just pick a good CD that fits the atmosphere of the restaurant. That’s all we ask.
9. When they don’t replace your silverware
Every course is worthy of a new fork. Every. Course.
10. Getting charged for their mistakes
Let’s face it. Even the fanciest of restaurants screw up sometimes. However, I expect a restaurant that prides themselves on service to make up for their mistakes. It wouldn’t kill you to take the appetizer off the bill, or to give a complementary drink as a way to apologize on behalf of the restaurant. Showing you really care about your customers and their frustrations really goes a long way, and will usually make me forget about the mess up.
11. When the tip is included in the bill when there are 5 or less people in your party
I see what you did there. Get a few glasses (or bottles) of wine in me and I won’t notice you already included the tip in our bill… Nice try. Don’t worry. Do your job to the expectations of the restaurant standards, and I will tip you well.
12. Being rushed
This right here might be the worst faux pas of them all. As expressed before, coming to a high-end restaurant is about the experience. Trust me when I say, if I wanted to rush my dinner, you would know. If it looks like I’m having good conversation, leave me alone, damnit. And chances are, I have no plans after dinner besides sleeping off my food coma.