We the people are proud of this great nation of ours. But as much as ‘Murica embodies the land of the free, this freedom does not extend to open containers. Pipe down NOLA, we know you’re special.
From college campuses to beaches and parks, when the weather is warm and the good times are rolling there is nothing quite like a cool refreshment. So if you’re having a public outing, here are a few ways to quench your thirst without arousing suspicion.
This Mexican-inspired concealer is like a tortilla koozie. Wrap up your favorite can and prepare to get borracho. Guac is extra.
2. Alcoholic Smoothie or Milkshake
An icy drink is an innocent beverage that nobody suspects to be spiked. Set your blender to ice-crush and pour in whatever fits your fancy. It’s the perfect drink for a warm day, so you’ll blend seamlessly into your surroundings. Like a tipsy chameleon.
3. Wine Rack
For the ladies looking for a casual sangria and an extra cup size, look no further than the Wine Rack. This bra comes equipped with a handy straw to sip at your own pace. Fill ‘em up and prepare to be double d-runk.
Gentlemen, don’t think we forgot about you. If you can stand to lose your slim figure for a few hours, here’s the perfect pouch to carry around whatever you’re sippin’ on. You might need some bigger pants though.
5. Water Bottle
It seems like the worst way to hide a drink, but so long as it’s clear anything can pass for water. Nobody suspects something so blatant, so just stick to filtered liquor and you’ll be fine. Besides, hydration is key.
6. Pre-Sealed Bottle Caps
On the subject of water bottles, if you’re feeling parched at a venue that requires sealed containers there are a number of online resources to purchase bottle caps that are already sealed. Bottoms up, kids.
7. Soda Can
If you have a mixed drink that doesn’t require a closed container, a soda can works great. It’s an unassuming vessel that’s easy to come by. Of course, as an added benefit, you can use the soda for making an awesome mixed drink. For those expert day drinkers, try a tall iced tea can for maximum volume.
Nalgenes are definitely the most common beverage container on a college campus, so they have the benefit of frequent use. Make sure the plastic is an opaque color that will hide the true identity of your liquid. Red works especially well.
9. Tie Flask
There aren’t too many outdoor events that would require a tie, but if the opportunity should arise you can always slip on this nifty number. Fortunately this tie is already tied, because you’re probably too drunk to do it anyway.
10. Ginger Ale Bottle
Most green bottles aren’t great for drinks, but a ginger ale bottle is pretty dark and is especially good for beer since, you know…. Ginger ALE.
11. Sonic Cup
Not only do you get the benefit of high volume, but Sonic drinks are delicious and make the perfect mixed drink. Remember, don’t drink and drive-in.
12. Beer Can in a Fast Food Cup
A big cup can really get you far as far as booze goes, so here’s another trick to try. Put a few ice cubes in a big plastic cup from your favorite fast food chain. Drop a can of beer in there and cover it up with the lid. Poke a straw through it and you’ll be sippin’ surreptitiously.
If you eventually see yourself using a CamelBak for its intended use, this strategy might not be the one for you. But if you’re okay with the lingering taste of whatever you put in there, it’s a winner.
If you really want to get creative, you can always spike your food for a boozy snack you can eat outside. Soak some cut watermelon in your favorite schnapps overnight and you’ll be on your way to gettin’ turnt.
15. Alcoholic Popsicles
Most people think alcohol doesn’t freeze, but when there’s enough water you can make some sick popsicles. Blend your favorite alcohol and fruit together and let them freeze overnight for the perfect frozen shot.
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