Step aside, Wells Adams, you're not the only one who can find a way to connect the Bachelor to alcohol. Is it just me, or are the contestants getting more and more drunk each season? Whatever, I'm all for it. Put your brackets and glasses up, and take a look at what your favorite (or least favorite *cough* Corinne) contestants would be if they were alcoholic drinks.
1. Corinne: Tequila
Ah, tequila. The drink that makes you take off your clothes and then pass out, which essentially is Corinne's role in every episode. While tons of people have been personally victimized by tequila, it seems like the rest of the cast can say the same about Corinne.
2. Raven: Southern Comfort
Not only does the name suit Raven, but Southern Comfort's taste does as well. Last week we found out how strong Raven really is. I mean breaking down your cheating ex-boyfriend's door and continuing to beat him with a shoe? He's going to need a lot of southern comfort after that detail being revealed on national TV.
3. Rachel: Red Wine
Rachel is not playing games this season and is there for one reason: to get what she wants. She's got that whole lawyer Olivia Pope look going on, so obviously, her drink would be red wine.
4. Vanessa: Cranberry Vodka
Cranberry Vodka is every basic girl's go-to drink at the bar, and considering every basic girl in America watches the Bachelor, Vanessa's easily Nick's go-to girl. You're lying if their space date didn't make you scream goals, but the fact that Nick held her hair back while she threw up and then kissed her after?! Well, that's every drunk girl's knight in shining armor.
5. Alexis: Four Loko
Alexis is probably drunk 100% of the time, which is why she's my favorite. No one knows what is going to come out of that girl's mouth, but it's guaranteed to be weirdly hilarious. Sure, some people could say she's crazy (or loko), but I think she's the life of the party.
6. Josephine: Burnett's
Whenever I pull out my bottle of Burnett's, my friends look away in horror and ask: are you crazy?! Which is probably the same question Josephine gets asks on a daily basis. Not only did she make Nick eat a RAW HOTDOG (*gag*), but she sings random things that just make everyone uncomfortable.
7. Danielle L: Cosmo
Danielle L always looks beautiful, and that's about all that anyone talks about. Anyone who orders a Cosmo is basically trying to say, "Look at me! I'm cute and delicate", but secretly wanting to down 5 shots in a minute. Seriously Danielle L, let lose a little and find something to talk about other than how amazing your dresses are (and they ALWAYS are).
8. Sarah: Vodka Soda
Sarah is cute and bubbly, but a little bland just like a vodka soda. I'm always forgetting her name (and apparently so are Bachelor producers), even though she stays relevant by hanging around the right people or trying (and failing) to fight with Corinne. It's only a matter of time till she leaves, but at least she has good hair.
9. Danielle M: Smirnoff Ice
Both Smirnoff Ice's and Danielle M's role on this season have one thing in common: their over-the-top sweetness. And honestly, both give me headaches. She was the front runner after the first one-on-one date, but now she's kind of faded to the back, something that also needs to happen to this whole "Icing" thing.
10. Jasmine: Champagne
Jasmine has questionable taste in men, but good taste in clothing, jewlery, and probably alcohol. She always looks shiny and expensive, but lacks a little flavor, which is why I think champagne suits her. She's also incredibly competitive, and you know what they say: no 'pagne, no game.
11. Kristina: White Russian
This one is just too easy. Truth is, it's not that I couldn't think of another drink, but I cannot understand this girl for the life of me. I either have to turn on the subtitles when she speaks or have my friends translate, which is probably the reason why Nick keeps taking her out on group dates.