I'm walking (well really, crutching post-hip surgery) through Target, just trying to locate some chocolate presents for my suitemate's birthday. But instead of the normal birthday candies strewn across an overwhelming number of aisles, I'm bombarded with Christmas themed everything. And not just candy canes and ornaments—I'm talking Christmas Oreos, reindeer lights, and holiday-Minion pajamas.
However, the Oreos really got to me—their products were inescapable, somehow finagling their way into every aisle. So rather than fight the apparent connection between chocolate and cream cookies and holiday cheer, I decided to embrace the moment and prepare a round-up of all the gifts you can purchase for all those who are Oreo-obsessed (there's a lot of them).
1. Oreo Milkshake Gift Set
This gift set includes two specially-designed milkshake glasses, two straws, a spoon (for scooping ice cream into the blender), and a pack of Oreo cookies. Ice cream and milk not included, because refrigeration.
2. Oreo Bark
I often bake presents for my family and friends, mostly because I like creating specialized flavor combinations for each one. If you're feeling like channeling your inner Bobby Flay, go for some easy, but impressive, and fancy-looking Oreo bark. This recipe is only two ingredients. And you get to smash your food, into bark pieces. It's an all around ideal combo.
3. Chocolate Covered Oreos
Maybe you don't like bark. Maybe food-smashing isn't your thing. Maybe you just can't justify ruining the sanctity of a fully-formed Oreo. Regardless of your reasons, I have another baking option for you—a classic chocolate-covered Oreo. Bonus points to those who crush more Oreos on top of the chocolate covering the Oreo.
4. Cookie Dough Cafe Oreo Cookie Dough
If I'm being honest, I never really listened to the whole "don't eat raw cookie dough" thing. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. But if you have more self-control than I, and can wait for a package of eggless cookie dough, then more power to you. The Cookie Dough Cafe offers an Oreo cookie dough flavor to satisfy your multi-faceted cookie dough needs.
5. Target Oreo Egg Candy
I'm actually super excited about these—if I can find a dark chocolate version, I'll be treating myself to a box for sure. Think milk chocolate filled with Oreo creme, then mixed in with Oreo cookie bits. All I needed to see was that prime creme-to-everything else ratio, and I was in.
6. Winter Oreos
I'm a bit of a purest when it comes to my Oreos, so red creme seems a bit blasphemous. But it seems like the color doesn't signal a change in taste, just a seasonal food-coloring-induced update. There's also different winter-themed designs etched into some of the cookies, just in case you couldn't tell the theme by just reading "Winter" on the packaging.
7. Hot Cocoa Oreos
Again, I don't 100 percent support this as a concept. I also don't like hot chocolate. But personal bias aside, I understand why people would be drawn to a hot chocolate Oreo flavor, or at least try it while the limited edition seasonal period is happening. I just won't partake.
8. Oreo Candy Canes
At the very least, these candy canes look pretty badass. Perfect for any angsty teenager who wants to participate in some holiday cheer without abandoning their personal vendetta against joy. Accompanying chokers optional.
9. Oreo Recipe Book
Perhaps you can't bake to save your life. That's okay, maybe the Oreo-lover in your life can bake some tasty treats for you! Help them out with this Oreo recipe book, and maybe dog-ear some pages for a little extra hint.
10. Oreo Sweater
Aggressive? Yes. Bright and obnoxious? Yes. Still fun and probably super soft? Absolutely. Just make sure the receiver is okay with wearing their obsession loud and proud.
11. Oreo Joggers
I wish these didn't exist, but they do. And if you're going for the sweatshirt, might as well throw in these pants too. Or maybe the sweatshirt wasn't aggressive enough for your Oreo friend, in which case they might need some help. But still worth encouraging.
12. "Heaven Is Paved with Oreos" Book
This Amazon review says it all:
"Fourteen-year-old Sarah Zorn intends to spend the Wisconsin summer with her “boyfriend” Curtis, waiting for a dead calf named Boris to decompose in time for the science fair. Her plans upend, however, when her fake-boyfriend strategy goes seriously awry just as her hippie Grandma Z invites her on a last-minute Roman holiday."
I'm intrigued, to say the least, but also feel uncomfy reading a middle-schooler's journal that talks about a dead cow. Let someone else read it for you!
13. Oreo Chocolate Popcorn Pizza
I don't know how, or why this came into existence—but I'm not opposed to it. As a self-aware chocolate and sugar addict, I appreciate NomNom Delights creating a product that encourages both of these vices. Also, it comes in a literal pizza box, so maybe you can prank your friends with this one somehow.
The moral of the story here is that Oreos have spurned a full-on cultural obsession. Christmas, not to be outdone, had to jump on board and morph this chocolate-creme-cookie-fetish into the holiday gift giving. I may or may not have jumped on the bandwagon and bought some of this stuff already.