It’s almost time for the Super Bowl, which means it’s almost time for greasy, yet delicious bar food. Even though February 4th is creeping up, there are still eight remaining teams battling for a spot in the big game, or as I like to call it, the Sunday in February where I have an excuse to pig out.
Unfortunately for the players, they have a serious job to do so they don't get to eat any of my favorite foods. So an article comparing their teams to bar food is as close as they're going to get.
1. Atlanta Falcons: Pizza
The Atlanta Falcons are on the comeback trail. They’re trying to erase the memory of last year’s Super Bowl embarrassment. They want to forget about their mistakes and start from scratch. They’re trying to emulate pizza. Pizza always forgives your mistakes and has never let anyone down. But they're not entirely the same because pizza didn’t blow a 28-3 lead in the third quarter of the Super Bowl and allow Tom Brady’s ego to get bigger than it already was. It's time his ego gets deflated.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars: Sliders
Sliders are okay, I guess. But wouldn’t you rather have a real burger? The Jaguars are an okay team but I’m sure they’d rather have a real quarterback. Sorry Blake Bortles, but the mini burger probably throws better than you.
3. Minnesota Vikings: Dip
The Vikings are a really good team but for some reason they’re often overlooked and forgotten about. Dip is always one of the best parts of a Super Bowl party but someone always forgets the dip. Without the dip, how are you going to eat your chips? 2018 will be the year we will make dip and the Vikings great again.
4. New England Patriots: Buffalo Wings
The Patriots are the best team in the NFL and win the Super Bowl almost every year, and buffalo wings are the most obvious Super Bowl party food. They even get their own restaurants like Buffalo Wild Wings or Hurricane Wings. Watching the Patriots in the playoffs sometimes feels like the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial where the bartender buzzes the referee in the stadium and the referee makes up a crazy rule to force the game into overtime.
5. New Orleans Saints: Nachos
Nachos are a loaded dish with a bunch of different ingredients and flavor. Nachos have chips, cheese, meat, and whatever else someone decides to put on them. The Saints are a loaded team with a lot of good players. They have a great quarterback, offense, and defense. It must be nice to be great at everything. Thanks, Mom and Dad...
6. Philadelphia Eagles: Cheese Fries
Cheese fries are good but they’re nothing more than a side order. They need a main dish to compliment them, just like the Eagles are nothing without their quarterback who injured his leg and will be out for the rest of the season. The fries are missing their burger and ginger ale compliment and the Eagles are just missing their ginger quarterback.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers: Mozzarella Sticks
Mozzarella sticks are so reliable. They’re the safe choice and will always be good no matter what. The Steelers are always a good team and pop up in the playoffs every year. They’re always a safe bet to be one of the final teams alive. The Steelers have won six Super Bowls, more than any other team in NFL history. So I suppose they're (almost) as good as fried cheese.
8. Tennessee Titans: Jalapeño Poppers
Jalapeño poppers are unique. They’re new, exciting, trendy and fun. These words also describe the Titans. The Titans are new to the playoffs this year and they have a young exciting quarterback that actually threw a touchdown to himself last weekend (not kidding). I wouldn’t be surprised if Marcus Mariota was a fan of jalapeno poppers.
If you don't have menu ideas for your Super Bowl party this February, I definitely recommend looking into these greasy and delicious foods. If you need me I'll be eating two of whatever Tom Brady is having so I can be the G.O.A.T. at age 40.