Most people think they have their pizza dipping sauce preferences all figured out because Papa John's will include it in their delivery order. However, I am willing to bet you've never thought about dipping pizza in your favorite sugar substitute to enhance your lackluster dinner on a Friday night. So, at the expense of my stomach, experimented during a typical pizza lunch with several (edible) liquids I found in my kitchen that I wouldn't ordinarily pair with pizza. It got interesting.
Honey
My hopes were high and the smell of garlic butter crust lingered in the air. I love honey on my toast—so how bad could it on pizza? The answer: very bad. It was so incredibly gross that I wanted to stop my experiment in its tracks. There was something about the way the sweetness of the honey canceled out the acidity of the pizza sauce that bad my stomach flip upside.
Recommendation: 2/10
Applesauce
After drinking a glass of water and convincing myself that no liquid could be as bad as honey, I prepared my applesauce. There were no tears this time around because this combination was somewhat enjoyable. Although I doubt it will be my first choice from now on, the subtle sweetness of the applesauce complemented the cheese pizza quite nicely.
Recommendation: 7/10
2% Milk
More often than not, I'm drinking coconut milk or almond milk as opposed to cow's milk because it's easier on my stomach. Nevertheless, 2% milk was all I had and I knew I had to try it because the hype about a woman using chocolate milk as a pizza dipping sauce inspired this article in the first place. After tasting cheese pizza with milk I realized the true purpose of the internet is to allow people to share genius food hacks with one another. The milk was instantly refreshing and seemed to eliminate my pizza breath almost immediately.
Recommendation: 9/10
Apple Cider Vinegar
I had zero positive emotions regarding dipping my pizza in vinegar, but, I'm not a quitter. All my worst fears came true, though, when I put this atrocious combination of apple cider vinegar and cheese pizza in my mouth. It can be best compared to taking a bite out of your pizza and accidently washing it down with the cup you were using to dye Easter eggs in. Yep, it was that bad.
Recommendation: 1/10
Greek Yogurt (Lemon Meringue)
The rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing had me exhausted and desperately craving a plain piece of pizza. Much to my displeasure, Greek yogurt was next on my list and I was seriously regretting the flavor choice. I closed my eyes, dipped my pizza, and was pleasantly surprised that lemon meringue Greek yogurt and cheese pizza are a solid match in pizza heaven. Maybe it was just really good yogurt.
Recommendation: 8/10
Syrup
As I prepped the pancake syrup for dipping, I was having painful flashbacks to the honey that hurt me less than seven minutes ago. Smelling the syrup beforehand wasn't my best idea because I was already quite nauseous. These suspicions were quickly validated because choking down syrup covered cheese is something I imagine is included in Dante's Inferno.
Recommendation: 1/10
Pickle Juice
The final liquid sat in front of me and I had no fear. I loved pickles and there was no way I would let my last experimental dipping sauce ruin me on pizza forever. It turned out my last bite was actually one of my favorites. Pickle juice and cheese pizza reminded me a lot of how pickles taste on a burger. The flavor stands on its own and doesn't attempt to cancel out other flavors.
Recommendation: 5/10
I Lived
My expectations were low prior to dipping pizza in 7 strange liquids. It's clear to me now that dipping my pizza in sweet liquids will never make me happy and that dipping my dairy coated pizza in more dairy will always be the way to go. I am now a much wiser person and aim to continue to be adventurous when it comes to food. I give the whole process a 10/10—solely because I survived.