For those students still learning their way through the drinking jungle that is college, follow these major keys to success for all the do’s and don’ts of drinking our favorite college beverage of choice: beer.
1. Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear
We’ve all heard this one. The oldest rule in the book does have some validity to it. Switching drinks is fine, just as long as you don’t end up with your head in the toilet.
2. Never drink it warm
Um, first of all… gross. I’m not sure how anyone can drink a warm beer and actually enjoy it. I know we’re desperate college students, but we hold ourselves a little bit higher than that.
3. Open it yourself
Especially when half the people at your party are looking at this marketing campaign for advice on drinking.
4. Don’t complain if it’s free
It’s a rare opportunity that a college student can get something for free, especially if it’s alcohol… with caution, of course (number 3), take it. You will come across all types of beers in college: the good, the bad, and the piss water.
5. Eat before going to get ¡Turnt
Now’s the time to eat that pasta you’ve been craving all week. Make sure to eat something before going out because no one wants to spend their Saturday night holding your hair back, no matter how good of a friend you are.
6. Steer clear of Four Lokos
The mere title of an “energy beer” sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. It sounds like the perfect college kid’s drink: cheap, fruity, and can get you drunk real quick. But be warned — nothing good can come out of drinking these. Just one of these malt concoctions (with 12% alcohol content) is the approximate equivalent of 3 cans of Bud Light.
PS Anything with a suffix of “-Ritas” (@Budlight) are not actual beer and are really lame.
7. No beer swiping
This goes without saying: just because you were too drunk to find your beer doesn’t mean you can latch on to the closest/fullest beer without someone else’s hand on it. Who knows which nasty person drank out of that can?
8. Water, water, water
Well into the second semester now, you would think everyone would know this, but… don’t be an idiot. Drinking water in between alcoholic drinks is easily the best rule to follow when drinking. Water can help you pace yourself for the night ahead and be your saving grace the next morning.
9. Keg stands: hold it in your mouth
Unlike the rule to chug when you shotgun, you’re definitely not in Kansas anymore with a keg stand — it’s a whole new beast. The secret to mastering a long lasting keg stand is to let the beer fill up in your mouth first, then begin to swallow.
10. Beer is good for you, so drink up
Remember, it’s college, so have fun and take in the cup of carbs… it’s even been proven to be good for you.