Ah, Green Beer Day. A day of celebration, culture, and poor choices. For those who don’t know, GBD is Miami’s claim to fame. It’s all about waking up at 1am, partying til 9am, going hard at the dining hall brunch with your friends, and starting all over again (replace dining hall brunch with a $5 pizza from Little Caesar’s around noon since you spent all of your real money on GBD shirts).
What better way to celebrate the Thursday before spring break than binge drinking beer the color of freshly cut grass and downing watery eggs cooked by frat pledges? So, while you’re figuring out whether to wear your white Converse or deciding to avoid the green stains, here’s a schedule of exactly how your day will go down.
Wednesday, March 18
6 pm: The Final Countdown
Done with class. The night will soon be upon us. With the amount of alcohol and frat eggs and random student organization bake sale food you’ll be eating, it’s important to start the night out right. Nothin’ like a nice carbo-load to get you ready to absorb the alcohol (even though apparently that’s a myth anyway). Hit the pasta station at the dining hall, but skip the Alfredo.
9 pm: Deuces World
It’s time to PTFO. Sure, you haven’t gone to bed this early since you voted for Jennifer Hudson on American Idol, but this is the one night a year where it’s socially acceptable to sleep before sun down in college. Capitalize on this. I’m talkin’ turn on “peaceful waterfall sounds” on Spotify and snore like your dad with a sinus infection.
Thursday, March 19
1 am: Wakey wakey.
It isn’t the Miss American pageant, so no need to pull out all the stops. (Looking at you, girl who shows up to frat at 3am with perfectly curled hair.) Brush your teeth, get your life together a little and take a shot or two. Also, EAT SOMETHING. Empty stomach + keg= nasty combo. Try this.
3 am: The First Sip
It’s the first party of the day, proceed with caution. You try your first taste of green beer, and surprise surprise… it’s just beer with food coloring.
4:30 am: Ya Lil’ Nasty
Now with a stomach semi-sloshing with green Natty, it’s time for the both feared and loved “kegs n eggs” concept to rear its ugly head. These aren’t the eggs your mom used to make. They’re worse. Think frat boys who have probably drank twice as much as you have standing over a stove trying their damn best not to give you salmonella via raw eggs.
6 am: It’s Goin Down For Real
Party 3. Beer with food coloring has now been transformed into a shining beacon of hope in your life. You are seriously considering drafting a petition to replace Holy Water at church with green beer. Good luck with that. Sounds about as good as your last drunk idea for microwaveable red wine. Whatever though, the celebration must go on.
9 am: Squad Breakfast
It’s not your party, but you’ve probably cried cuz you wanted to. Lucky for you, it’s time for you and your squad to hit up brunch at the dining hall. Also, probably time to drink a water. Or five waters. Post GBD-kick-off dining hall brunch is a staple. If you aren’t gonna make it (don’t worry, we’ve all been there), here are some recipes to whip up at home.
9:50 am: To Go or Not To Go?
Now is the time for the most important question of the day: To skip class or not to skip class? No one can make this decision but you. But watch out, lots of teachers deduct points for green tongues. Wish I was kidding…
1 pm: Ratchet Is As Ratchet Does
Thought you were done? Nahhhhh. There’s still plenty of green beer to be consumed. Your squad probably is not on fleek right about now, but hopefully you all got a nap in. Suit up, it’s time to start round 2. This is about when you’ll be scarfing down that Little Caesar’s pizza as well.
3 pm: You Been Drankin’
Your vision is blurred, your mascara was either cried or smeared off hours ago. But if you’re planning on instagramming a picture from today, you damn may as well make it to the finish line. Whatever party you’re at right now is definitely 50 shades of ratchet.
5 pm: Sweet, Sweet Victory.
Sweet Lord, you did it. Time to stay screw the haters, because you just survived GBD 2K15. Go home, order lots and lots of takeout, and watch a seasonally inappropriate movie like Elf or Halloweentown High, because you probably have no idea what day it is not to mention what season.
Only 364 days until you’ll find yourself back on this very same stained Wal-Mart futon rehashing with your friends what makes Green Beer Day one of the primary reasons why you’re lucky to go to Miami. (Screw OU).
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