Having worked in the restaurant business as a server and having gone out with friends for a bite to eat countless times, I have encountered some of the funniest, weirdest, and rudest moments of my life from particular people at different eateries. I’ve seen some strange stuff that I know many of you have seen as well.
Here is a glimpse of all the individuals I have had the pleasure (or displeasure) of serving and/or eating with.
1. The Picky Eater
It’s an awkward moment when you invite a friend to go to In-N-Out with you (which he whole-heartedly agreed to) and that friend orders a burger without cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, or sauce. This leaves just the buns and the meat… This may sound like a tall tale to you but this has actually has happened to me. These picky eaters are always sure to get their point across when it comes to exactly what kinds of food they want to exclude from their taste buds – even if that means taking out literally EVERYTHING.
2. The College Student
One problem that inflicts fear into college students typically is the threat of impending poorness and the need to save money. These individuals make sure that if they do decide to eat out after starving and eating small portions of food, this restaurant better be serving up some cheap-ass food. They verify that there is only a one $ sign on Yelp. They confirm with each eating establishment if there is a student discount. And any entree above $10 guarantees this individual to say to his or her friends “Yo, I’m a college student. Can we eat somewhere else?”
3. The Discount Dealer
We got that one friend that we can count on to pull out a shopping and eating catalog from the mail out of their pocket with dope deals and hella discounts. No coupons in the pockets? No problem. He or she has all the voucher websites bookmarked, locked, and ready to go to be used on command through his or her phone. Get a free soda and fries when you check-in on Facebook? Done. This guy or gal will go all out to save a few bucks every meal.
4. The “I Forgot My Money” Guy
Okay. Legit. When you go to a restaurant, how do you forget your money? You’re going to a place to pay for food! Yet, at least once in our life, we hear the words of “hey, can you spot me?” sometimes with good reason but other times the person simply forgot money because they didn’t know that he or she would pay for stuff at a business. Like c’mon!
5. The Photo Enthusiast
Everyone, after waiting for a good amount of time, finally has their food. You haven’t eaten anything all day and you are ready to take that first bite that will end your famished state when you hear, “STOP! DON’T EAT YET!” You look up to see what the commotion is and it’s your friend clicking on his or her Instagram app ready to take a picture. This basic individual is the reason you cannot immediately enjoy your food. Not only that, these individuals take photos while you’re eating as well, and we all know that we don’t look the prettiest when we have sauce and food drooling down our mouths.
6. The Phone User
While some may just take their photos and put their phone away to rejoin social reality, others don’t stop there. They have to first send their pictures to everyone on their contact list, post those photos on every social media platform they have access to, write a Yelp review, see what the score is for the NBA playoffs, and every other thing they can possibly do on their phone before eating their food or talking with the others. By the time they lift their head from their phone, they realize their food is cold and the check is arrived. Put your phones away, please.
7. The Bailer
When the check comes to the table, that’s the time of the meal when one of your fellow friends “suddenly” gets a mysterious phone call from someone saying that he or she is needed right away. When they hear the words, “How are we splitting this check?” he or she is outie without a doubt. Whether it’s having a supposed acquaintance in jeopardy (shoutout to New Girl) or “accidentally” forgetting to do an assignment, these guys will think of any excuse, convince you otherwise, and get the heck out of there to save a few bucks.
8. The Fountain
Drinking water is an important part of life in order to hydrate your body and give yourself more energy. But some people we know out there take it to the next level, especially when they’re in a restaurant setting. When the waiter pops up to ask, “Do you folks need anything else?” there’s that one individual that always says “Can I get a refill of my water?” By the end of the night, he or she dove through 3 or 4 cups of water before the meal and 3 or 4 cups of water during the meal.
9. The Innovator
I don’t know if you all know, but the secret to finding the brightest individuals of our generation is to look in the dining room. These geniuses really know how to take two or more things and combine them together into food brilliance. Whether it’s putting fries in your burger (like wow, who would have thought?) or putting spaghetti into tacos (all my iCarly fans know what’s up), these intellects pioneer food into greatness. As you can see, Jennifer Lawrence is on next level shiz with her take on pizza and noodles.
10. The “What Is This?” Guy
Sometimes, ordering food is easy as 1, 2, 3. You look at the menu, signal the waiter to come over, tell the waiter what you want, and then the waiter leaves to get your food. Easy right? The “What Is This?” guy will make you rethink that. No matter what the food item is or what kind of restaurant it is, this individual will have a pop-quiz ready for the waiter, asking so many questions about items on the menu. This most definitely will take more time than actually eating the food. The worst type of question is when the answer is literally in the name, such as, “What is in the lobster mac and cheese?” Like, please refer to the menu!
11. The Fighter for the Check
When the check comes to the table, you already know what’s about to go down when you have THOSE parents or THOSE friends. You try to grab the check and be like, “This one’s on me! Don’t worry!” before another individual forcefully (and I mean, forcefully!) takes it out of your hands and also says “No, no! You paid last time! Trust me, I got it this time!” From here, it all goes down hill, with two grown individuals bickering about the check and who’s going to pay it, while everyone else puts their heads down in embarrassment from the looks of nearby spectators.
12. The Etiquette Violator
While many of us used to take our parent’s advice of chewing with our mouth closed, some others seem to say, “screw that” and continue to chomp down on their foods with others watching all the breaking down of the foods inside their mouths. There are no rules to these people. They will eat whichever way they want to eat, whether it’s slurping their soup up or double dipping their germ-infested-chip into the communal sauce.
13. The Non-Sharers
Everybody believes that “sharing is caring” is a thing, right? Hate to burst your bubble but it’s a myth. People that are open to sharing and splitting up their meals is all good. But have you ever encountered a non-sharer? They will literally go to town on you, verbally yelling at you to not touch their food and flailing arms around to back away. I’ve had first had experience and trust me, food brings out the beast inside of us. Some scary stuff.
14. The Sleeper
After going through a buttload of food from your local all-you-can eat Korean BBQ or eating some classic drunchies like buffalo chicken cheese fries, you might suddenly have a hard time peeling your eyelids open. You already know at this point, a food coma has crept upon you. It’s only a few minutes before you’re on someone’s Snapchat snoozing at the table and getting a lot of unnecessary attention being “that guy” that fell asleep at a public place.