Cooking with cum is real, and this might be the most disturbing and bizarre fact that I have discovered in awhile.
Cookbook author, Fotie Photenhauer, has released two cum cookbooks within the past couple of years, Natural Harvest and Semenology. According to Photenhauer, semen has amazing texture and cooking properties, plus it’s good for you.
He compares the taste of semen to fine wine and cheese and characterizes its taste as both complex and dynamic. He also notes that because semen is inexpensive to produce and available in many, if not all, homes, everyone should be cooking with it.
Photenhauer hopes that people will overcome their initial hesitation and explore the world of semen cooking. He claims that semen is an exciting ingredient that can make an ordinary dish more exciting.
Here are a few recipes from Photenhauer’s cookbooks. We do not recommend making any of these.
To make this mojito, you must whisk the powdered sugar and semen together, and then spoon it on top of the drink. Why, oh why? Watch Photenhauer make a macho mojito. Creamy…
Almost White Russian
I’m very, very happy the “Dude” in The Big Lebowski did not drink an almost white Russian. That would have 100% ruined the entire movie. But I’d pay good money to see that happen…
Forget kale smoothies and spinach smoothies – this is a whole different kind of green smoothie. But if you’re not a fan of green smoothies, Photenhauer notes that you can always use peaches or strawberries instead. Regardless, they’ll all still have that extra protein boost from that liquid white cream. #healthy
Creamy Cum Crepes
Cottage cheese is gross enough. But cottage cheese and semen? Vom city.
Cum Creme Caramel
A creme brulee-esque dessert… with cum. Nom nom nom.
Galliano Cum Shot
If you thought taking shots was hard, try taking shots of semen. Yuck. But I guess the saltiness of the semen is supposed to reduced the harshness of the hard liquor flavor. Maybe? I don’t wanna find out.
Is your BBQ sauce too sweet? Photenhauer has you covered with this special sauce – a little salty but just as tasty. Has this sauce been missing from your family barbecues all these years? Probably not.
Man Made Oysters
This recipe uses oyster shells as spoons to eat semen. But hey, it’s served with lemon and pepper, so it can’t thaaat bad. Aphrodisiacs on aphrodisiacs, amirite?
Photenhauer warns semen cookers to not rush this recipe because “it takes a lot of wrist action.” I know he’s talking about whisking the egg, but we can’t help but think he means something else. Want to intensify this sauce’s appeal? Add more semen, duh.