Every once in a while I find out something new that makes my whole life feel like a lie. This was one of those moments.
If you’re a living, breathing human being, you’ve heard of apples. The classic suck-up student’s gift of the “#1 Teacher” apple. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. The quintessential healthy addition to a school lunch. The apple is even so influential that it’s supposed to be the cause of original sin.
So, as such a universally well-known fruit, you’d think apples would be relatively straightforward to eat. I know what you’re thinking: just eat around the core, right? WRONG.
The core is edible, meaning it doesn’t actually exist. Mind blown.
To help you with your inevitable fruit-related identity crisis, I’ve devised two techniques for approaching the long shunned apple core:
Technique 1: Started from the bottom, now we here
1. Wash the apple and remove the stem to the best of your ability. I know, revolutionary stuff here.
2. Look at the bottom of the apple and stare at that weird hole thing. You might be thinking, “I really don’t want to eat that.” But you’re wrong. You want the apple, weird bottom part and all. It’s just screaming, “Bite me.”
3. Process the progress you’ve made. You’re doing it. You just bit into the “core” of the apple. Keep going from the bottom. You might see what looks like hairy fibers. I usually pick those out and keep eating, but if you’re into it, you do you.
4. Once you get to the part with the seeds, you can either bite into it and spit out the seeds like a champ or pick them out like a slightly less hardcore (pun fully intended) champ. Judgement-free zone here.
5. Finish the apple. Pretty self explanatory, but essential.
Technique 2: Eating the core last, aka Being the Uneducated Eaters’ Trash Can
Say you’re reading the article and already ate most of your apple the “normal” way or your friend “finishes” her apple, but hasn’t eaten the core. Well, just take that core and take a bite from the bottom. Embrace the look of surprise from your non-core consuming companions. You’re decreasing food waste and eating a delicious piece of fruit. #Sustainability #GoGreen
Finish the apple as described above. Revel in your newfound apple eating skills because you are an apple-eating rockstar. Share your new-found knowledge with your friends so they, too, can feel the satisfaction of a properly eaten apple.
If this was too much to handle, check out these more traditional ways to eat apples: