As Valentine’s Day nears I know how I am supposed to feel—like baby cupid has stuck me in the ass with one of his love arrows. But as Feb 14th approaches, that’s far from how I actually feel. And I’m a bit tired of being expected to feel that way. Dammit, I don’t want to eat your heart-shaped pizza and the toppings of love and bliss that go with it!

Gif Courtesy

As I celebrate my 21st Valentine’s Day alone (by choice, might I add), I want to be able to feel any range of emotions. And if you are like me, then here are five foods that fit your range of hormonally unstable college emotions.

Fired-Up: Serrano pepper.
Angry, fuming and ready to curb stomp the next person that walks by? Just failed Orgo 2 for the second semester in a row? Try a Serrano pepper. Not only are these red chilies excellent at rating the hotness of our professors, but their added heat will make sure that your insides burn with the same ferocity as your face.

Photo Courtesy of

Hungover: Burrito.
We’ve all been there. And since none of us are willing to give up a Thursday night at Ricks, for the morning after try scarfing down a burrito. Once you get over the fact that its insides oddly resemble the puke you semi-remember leaving behind on East U., nothing tastes better than a mash up of beans, veggies and sour cream. And if you can hold it down, hopefully the 2 lbs mass you just ingested with soak up some of last night’s more questionable choices. Here’s looking at you, Mind Probe #2.

Photo Courtesy of

Tired: Chips.
It’s 3 am and you’ve hardly made any progress on your English essay. You have watched 2 seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix, but still don’t know how you can turn that experience into a passing grade. Grab a bag of chips (I prefer Funyuns) to console you in your desperate time. And if that doesn’t work out, just keep buying junk food so that your wallet can feel as empty as your career prospects.

Photo Courtesy of

Sad: Ice cream (duh).
It’s a lie if you say you’ve never been sad in college, so don’t even try me. Forgot to turn in an assignment? Check. Forgotten how cold a Michigan winter can be? Check. Overly attached to the hottie in your intro psych lecture who doesn’t even know your name? Check. Take solace in the fact that Ben and Jerry are there to hold your hand while you watch Bachelor reruns alone in your bedroom. And if those men aren’t strong enough for you, grab some actual people and pass around some Jim, Jack and Jose. And while you’re at it, why not mix them all together? This could be the best orgy of your life.

Photo Courtesy of

Happy: Go out to eat…anywhere!
For most of us, the majority of college is spent in a happy place. You’ve got great friends, no parents complaining about the state of your appearance and by week two of classes sweatpants are totally an acceptable form of pants. What more could you want? To celebrate all of life’s good graces, settle in with a healthy serving of your favorite restaurant. I can’t pick that for you (cough cough Sava’s), but regardless of where you choose to dine, gather up a group of good friends and feast. You’re only young once, and you better exploit that fast metabolism while you still have it.

Gif Courtesy of

As college students, we are all in one way or another searching for love. But if like me you’ve yet to find it, trust me when I say that for now, late night pizza or a bag of chips is not a bad replacement. You might have crumbs in your bed when you wake up, but maybe your next love will be into that. Happy Valentine’s Day.