I recently came across an article on the Internet that left me confused and frankly a little offended. This article boldly states that I have never actually cooked bacon the right way. It explains that there is a way to cook bacon that will reduce the splatter and amp up the crispiness, thus producing the perfect bacon strips every time.

I was skeptical to say the least.

I can imagine the intrigue and cynicism plastered on your face as you read this, so I have kindly tested out the theory, and I’m here to report back on its “success.”

THE THEORY:

If you cover the bottom of your frying pan with a thin layer of water before cooking bacon, you can say goodbye to the splatter and hello to bacon-y perfection.

THE TEST:

To be thorough, I tested out the theory with normal bacon and with turkey bacon. I tackled cooking turkey bacon, and enlisted the help of a friend of mine (who may be even better friends with bacon) to cook the more traditional variety.

Bacon

Photo by Krysten Dorfman


HERE GOES NOTHING: 

Minutes 1-3:
The first few minutes of cooking produced very little results. Besides the bacon looking out of place in the water bath, nothing of note really happened in either case.

Minutes 4-6:
After about three minutes of pure nothingness, the water in the pan started to bubble and the edges of the bacon began to get a little wavy. The bacon would have been about halfway done at this point if I had skipped the water altogether. The stats for this method are not looking too hot.

Minute 7:
Water has finally evaporated! I repeat, water has finally evaporated!

Minutes 8-12:
Okay, so this is where I began to see a SLIGHT pro to adding the water. With the liquid out of the picture, the bacon did seem to splatter less often. Even so, don’t start switching sides before you know that there was A TON more smoke coming off the pan. My neighbors are going to be smelling bacon for weeks. Oops.

Minutes 13-15:
This was the critical time for maximizing the crispiness. I had to flip the bacon over and over about every 20 seconds to make sure it didn’t burn. Frankly, by this point I was a little frustrated (exacerbated by my hungriness). My friend concurred with all of these results.

THE VERDICT:

If you are willing to endure the irresistible smell of bacon for twice as long without being able to eat it, then this method is for you (and your willpower is off the charts). In my opinion though, the amount of time the water bath took did not outweigh the sheer time and effort that I invested. Long story short, NEVER AGAIN.

Besides, what better way to show your devotion to bacon than with a few splattered-grease battle scars?

For the first time, I’ve never been more fond of mine.

Bacon

Photo by Krysten Dorfman