You think small dogs are “totes adorbs” and own at least one velour Juicy Couture sweat-suit. You have a celebrity “freebie” list, which includes Adam Levine and Ryan Gosling, and you “don’t do camping.”

Bloody Mary

Conventional ideas of 5 p.m. happy hour don’t sway you. Some days you start drinking at 9 a.m. and are more than fine with that. However, you’re a health-conscious person who fully believes in eating three servings of vegetables a day. Your daily Bloody Mary counts, right?

Bud Light

You’re a simple person with a simple budget. Your idea of a killer weekend is a six-pack with the game on. Your ringtone is a Big & Rich song and your closet is 80% camo, 20% fishing shirts.


You consider yourself a fun, independent person who absolutely loves your best friends and will always put them first. Except for Hilary, who is like, totally trying to move in on your boyfriend.


You own every James Bond movie on DVD and have more than one knockoff Rolex watch. You’re studying business and enjoy discussing the horsepower of Italian-made cars (but you really drive a 2004 Mazda 3).

Gin ‘n Tonic

You own more than one turtleneck and enjoy loudly discussing the latest Woody Allen flick. You also have a number of Hemingway and Steinbeck novels on display in your house but, between you and me, haven’t read most of them.

Keystone Light

You’re a freshman, and you’re in a frat. You also frequently use the phrase “turn down for what” and own a pair of white wayfarers.

Long Island Iced Tea

You don’t remember how most of your nights end. But, hey, you’re always the life of the party, aren’t you?


Frozen burritos are your go-to hangover food and you’ve attended Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Yes, it was terrifying. Yes, you will definitely do it again next year.


You own a pair of linen pants (or perhaps even a linen suit) that you sport regularly. You like to think that you can salsa dance and own a small dog.

Piña Colada

Every day is a vacation in your life, relaxing in the shade and listening to Jimmy Buffet. Dessert is your favorite meal of the day, and you have more than three pairs of flip-flops in your closet.

Rum and Coke

On more than one occasion, you’ve gotten in to a bar fight. Hell, you might even fight tonight. The phrases “I’m going to go the gym” and “I can bench-press 280 now” are a common part of your vocabulary.

Scotch, Neat

You like to tend to your own thoughts and prefer others do the same. On weekends you can be found smoking cigars in the Captain’s Lounge and reflecting on your latest duck-hunting trip.

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