There’s an old saying that “sex is like pizza; even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” I’m not really sure who said that, but it’s my personal opinion that they’re wrong. Pizza is sacred. Don’t mess that shit up. The part about sex is up to your own personal interpretation.
Despite my views, Domino’s is still wicked popular, especially among college students. Domino’s conveniently accepts Dining Dollars in Tuscaloosa, home of The Crimson Tide. It’s the perfect food to pair with munchies, drunchies, late night studying, watching a televised sporting event, etc.
That being said, I know I’m not the only one that doesn’t like Domino’s pizza. There could be any number of reasons why you don’t like Domino’s pizza, e.g.:
- You just don’t really like pizza in general (not me).
- You think the crust is too thick (me).
- You think the cheese is too thin (me).
- You think the sauce is too sweet (me).
- You’re a cocky Northern asshole that has been spoiled by Northern-styled pizza (definitely me).
The bottom line is, if you don’t like pizza from Domino’s, but you would still prefer to pay with Dining Dollars, as opposed to “real money (as Bama students would say)…” don’t fret. You are not alone. There is a way out.
In this article, I have concocted a list of my favorite pizza alternatives that Domino’s has to offer. Order these with your friends when they order pizza.
1. Specialty Chicken (Crispy Bacon and Tomato)
The crispy bacon and tomato chicken comes in a 12-piece quantity. You pull them apart and then dig in. The tomatoes are tangy, and the bacon is the perfect balance of crunchy and luscious.
2. Parmesan Bread Bites
You can get parmesan bread bites in quantities of 16 pieces and 32 pieces. Personally, I find the 16-piece to be sufficient, but I always get 32 anyways. They don’t get soggy overnight, so if you have leftovers (I rarely do), they will still be good the next day. Definitely get the marinara sauce to accompany it.
3. Philly Cheesesteak
I’m not from Philly, but I am from New Jersey. Obviously, Philadelphia is the breadwinner when it comes to cheesesteaks (pun intended), but I’d say that our cheesesteaks are a pretty close second place. People from Philly may disagree with me, but I know what I’m talking about. I’m a really picky eater, so I usually just order a plain cheese steak (meat and cheese, maybe some ketchup), but word on the street (aka my brother) is that the other toppings are really good as well.
4. Half Chocolate Dipped Chocolate Chip Cookie
If I were you, I’d pop that sucker in the microwave for about 30 seconds. It’ll melt and taste just like a homemade cookie. The side that was dipped in chocolate is particularly tasty. Nice touch, Domino’s.
5. Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake
The lava cake is both crunchy on the outside and gooey on the inside. It’s so chocolatey that it’s overwhelming. The first time I took a bite I needed to take a minute to process what I had just tasted. Do NOT forget to order the icing dipping sauce.
So for all you pizza haters and fellow cocky northern assholes out there, I got your back.