Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Starbs trip just as much as everyone else. But sometimes, when I’m sipping my delicious, sugary drink, I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I start to wonder, “How many French fries am I really drinking?” Just so I’m not alone in this self-guilt, I’ve created a side-by-side list of some of my favorite Starbucks drinks and their “real food” caloric counterpart. You can love me or hate me for this. Choose wisely, my friends.

Disclaimer: All drinks listed are tall (12 oz.) with skim milk unless otherwise stated.

Black Coffee v. Water
Calories: 0
Winner: Neither. Both are equally tasteless and equally lame. At least put some cinnamon and soy milk in that dark, watery garbage.

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Shaken Sweet Tea Lemonade v. 2 Cups of Grapes
Calories: 110
Winner: Grapes. This is completely subjective, though, because grapes are my all-time favorite food (no, it’s not weird), and I think lemonade is just a watered-down nonsense version of juice.

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Teavana Oprah Chai Tea Latte v. 14 Plain Almonds
Calories: 130
Winner: Oprah’s Chai Tea Latte, duh. Who would rather eat 14 measly almonds when you could enjoy a cup of holiday spirit that’s endorsed by the (unspoken) ruler of the world? You get a latte, and you get a latte!

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Nonfat Iced Caramel Macchiato v. 11 Nacho Cheese Doritos
Calories: 140
Winner: Hmm, difficult. Very difficult. This is definitely my go-to basic girl drink, but come on, nothing beats Doritos. Cheese wins this round.

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Pumpkin Spice Latte with Whipped Cream v. 56 M&M’s
Calories: 300
Winner: In my eyes, pumpkin can do no wrong. Plus, who wants to waste their calories on plain M&M’s when there are so many better varieties out there? If these were peanut butter M&M’s, my decision might be different. For now, pumpkin wins.

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Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with Whipped Cream v. 1 McDonald’s Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad
Calories: 320
Winner: As much as I love frappuccinos, I’m going to have to go with the McDonald’s salad here. It’s healthier. It’s more filing. It’s an actual meal—it’s just all around the better choice.

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Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream v. (approx.) 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Calories: 320
Winner: It’s peanut butter jelly time, y’all. While caramel hot cocoa is a velvety river of rich, warm chocolate bliss, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich evokes every happy childhood memory imaginable. 

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Venti Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino with Whole Milk and Whipped Cream v. 2 Servings of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Calories: 459
Winner: No need for discussion. Mac and cheese wins. Court dismissed. Bring in the dancing lobsters.

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