My sister and brother-in-law recently bought a house in Dunwoody, a suburb of Atlanta (so I actually have broads in Atlanta!) Seeing as my sister is a Type A perfectionist, her first housewarming party as a wife/lawyer/new puppy owner was planned weeks in advance.
Her skills as a party planner and budget host are unparalleled— her wedding was inexpensive, yet top-notch, and she clips the coupons in the Sunday paper religiously. Organized, put-together, and thrifty, she is basically everything I’m not. Here are her tips for throwing a classy housewarming party without overspending or over-stressing.
1. Fix Your House Up Beforehand
Make 50 rush trips to Walmart, Target, and Home Depot to buy random things your house doesn’t really need. Why does my sister need pineapple candles and a wicker basket of fake hay? She doesn’t, but it transformed her house from a snoozing two-story to a sweet Georgia peach.
Also, have all the additions and painting completed a week before the party. Stressing out about color schemes or paint chips the night before will make the Monster Bitch come out before she needs too.
2. Tell Your Husband To Roll With Bitch-Mode
When your husband or partner tells you “calm down” and stop being insane, look him right in the eye, tell him to back away, and pick up a paint brush. Even though you’re expected to be an “adult” now because you’ve got a house, a husband, and a dog, it’s okay to vent your frustrations.
“Bitches get stuff done” is a tried-and-true way to muddle through housewarming parties, especially when Publix gets your cake order wrong and Sam’s Club runs out of rotisserie chickens.
3. Ask Others (i.e. Family Because They Have To) For Help
For the housewarming party, my mom flew up a few days early to help with setting up and cooking. It’s useful to have another {more level-headed} planner to temper your crazy and help cook vats of mozzarella pasta. “Try to avoid a nervous breakdown as much as possible,” my sister said.
Delegating is also important when it comes to throwing a party for 30+ people (most of whom don’t know each other). My brother-in-law was in charge of getting the craft beers, I was on music duty, and my dad was the primary puppy caretaker during the night.
4. Have PLENTY of Choices For Beer
A housewarming party host is only as good as her alcoholic beverages. Don’t settle on that Busch or Corona nonsense; those substandard beers need to be left in your college past and never drunk again. Splurge on some high quality beers (i.e. Yuengling, at the very least), and frequent your local breweries for a few hoppy Growlers.
It’s best to leave the liquor and heavy wines in the cellar for these types of “backyard” parties. Although being drunk is fabulous, being sloppy and fireball-tipsy isn’t great around children and your neighbor with the three bird feeders.
5. Have Multiple Juice Box Brands For The Kiddos
According to my sister, children have a definite preference when it comes to juice brands, so stock up on Capri Sun, Mott’s, and Minute Maid to avoid a meltdown. The dessert bar must be *on point* as well so those sweet tooths can be satisfied.
6. Don’t Forget To Enjoy The Party Yourself
Have the party. Freak out that no one is going to show up. Then forget your anxiety, twist open a Guinness Extra Stout, and enjoy yourself. You’re not just celebrating a new house—what is it anyway besides some concrete and bricks from 1960? You’re celebrating a new era of spouses, jobs, stability, and a future that’s determined solely by you. Which sounds boring in words, but having the freedom to “start” your life, on your own terms, is exhilarating.
7. Don’t Clean Up Until The Day After
Direct quote from my sister: “The day after, get your husband and puppy out of the house so you can clean, run errands, and get your house back in order. Then take a two-hour nap with your pup before watching TV and being disappointed, yet again, with ‘The Walking Dead.'”
It’s best to throw a housewarming party on Saturday afternoon (around 4 to 7 pm) so people are out of your hair by 8 or 9 pm and you can sleep early. Eight hours of pure sleep is your reward for being such a bomb party planner.
Throwing a housewarming party is your first step in getting your adult shit together. Put all those college party skills to work in a classy, less face-on-the-floor way. Here’s the formula for a kickass party: organization + mom’s help + alcohol = a good as hell time.