As a girl from California that chose a college on the east coast, I've had more than my share of in-flight horror stories. Missed connections, a seat-mate that made a Dr. Pepper and Airborne cocktail, my phone dying, and sitting next to the aspiring beat-boxer. Flying can be fun but so many things can go wrong.
One of the many struggles of flying is deciding what the heck should you eat. Should you pack an arsenal of snacks in your backpack or should you spend $8 on a single slice of Sbarros pizza? Most importantly, you want to eat something that won't disagree with the altitude. You don't want to constantly have to get up to pee, bring smelly food, or emit some ahem noxious gases. It's an enclosed space, people.
Here are some meals that you should NEVER, under any circumstances, eat before or during a flight.
1. Beans (no Chipotle for you)
Skip the Chipotle. I know you want that burrito bowl but do you really think that a hearty scoop of pinto beans and guac is airplane-friendly? Beans are known for being a frequent offender, but how do they end up being so... well... offensive?
Remember that episode of Magic School Bus where you learned about digestion? (Sorry millennials, you weren't born yet.) Well, beans can't quite be broken down in the intestines the same way Arnold's olives were.
Beans contain a sugar called oligosaccharides that the human body can not break down. By the time the sugar makes it to the large intestine, it's still undigested. There's a long process before they are transformed into their unpopular form.
Take away message: be courteous please. If you saw a guy scarfing down a bean burrito at your departure gate, would you want to sit next to sit next to him?
2. Tuna
"Oh how I love the smell of tuna lingering in an enclosed space," said no one ever. Tuna may not give you tummy trouble but c'mon guys. As much as I love scooping up tuna salad with my Ritz crackers, even I have to admit that it doesn't exactly smell like a fresh cut roses.
Plus, tuna breath? Not okay. So please don't fill the plane with the smell of chicken of the sea. That would be incredibly Abercrombie-esque. Unacceptable.
3. McDonald's (fast food period)
I'm sorry, we need a moment of silence. Though I'm more of a Wendy's girl, burgers are life and even I occasionally give in to the almighty arches. McDonald's (being one of the world's largest restaurant chains) is basically in every airport known to man. In the often overwhelming and always expensive airport dining choices, it's cheap, convenient, and familiar.
Unfortunately the amounts of grease and salt in the food lands this American favorite on our no-fly list. ABC News reports that, "The body doesn't do so well digesting foods laden with sodium and saturated fats in the first place -- and digestion at 37,000 feet proves even more difficult [...] there's also the issue of in-flight blood pressure."
4. Eggs
You'd think this one would be self explanatory but wouldn't you know, I had the misfortune of sitting next to someone who decided to bring a Ziploc bag of boiled eggs on the plane and literally cracked the shells on the armrest. To make matters worse, they paired them with some lovely tomato juice. Why? Just why?
As we all know, eggs not only tend to smell unpleasant but can give you gas. In 2006 an American Airlines plane actually made an emergency landing due to a passenger's flatulence. That is a level of shame that I hope never to achieve.
5. Carbonated drinks
There's always that one person in the window seat that keeps tapping you so they can squeeze past you to go to the bathroom a million times. The soda that the flight attendants are giving out might be part of the problem.
I get it, they're giving out free sodas on the plane and who passes up free soda? I certainly don't. But according to Delish, drinking soda can cause dehydration, heartburn, and frequent bathroom trips. So it's best to stick with water. Zero calories anyone?
6. Apples
As weird as it sounds, apples are not the ideal choice for in-flight snacking. Why? Ever notice that not too long after eating an apple you have to go to the bathroom? There's a reason for that. Apples are high in fiber and fiber helps you stay "regular" if you catch my drift. If you want all the gory scientific details check this out. Apples are indeed healthy and great for your digestion but we don't high altitude #2's do we?
7. Gum
Sounds crazy right? That whole chewing, ears popping, altitude thing right? Here's the thing, when you chew gum, you allow excess air into your body. Sugar-free gum has its own set of consequences.
Most sugar-free products contain artificial sweeteners which the body has difficulty digesting. Combine that with high altitudes and you get what? More gas and bloating. So if you've got "travel breath," reach for a mint.
8. Coffee
We all need our coffee to at least try to appear more human as the day begins. Airports can be horrible places and having five Starbucks readily available makes life a little more bearable. But when combined with dry airplane air, coffee can cause dehydration, headaches and nausea.
What about the coffee on the plane? Those of you that take advantage of the free coffee on the plane may have noticed that sometimes it tastes a bit... off, and here's why.
So what should you eat then? According to Harvard Medical School's Dr. Clifford Saper, it's actually best to fast before a flight. But the truth is, stuff happens. We end up with eight hour layovers (this has happened to me) and can't always survive the horrors of traveling without food in our stomachs.
So if you're like me and can't go three hours without food, have some water, celery, nuts, bananas, or a turkey sandwich. These options are healthy and will give you the energy you need to survive the journey. More importantly, you won't get death stares for turning the plane into a hazardous zone. You're welcome.