Just because it feels like summer year-round in Miami doesn’t mean that UM students eat like it’s summer. Our drunk, high, or overtired selves have no regard for the concept of a bikini body and I felt like the world needed some real stories to prove it.
I asked only two group chats this one simple question, “What are the craziest/funniest drunk eating stories you have,” and this is a collection of my favorite responses.
No Pants No Problem:
“Last year after a pool party I went into the dining hall with just my bathing suit and ate four slices of pizza and five quesadillas… idk how wild that is though.”
“After Star Island freshman year we went to Villagio (a nice Italian restaurant in Merrick Park) still completely wasted, in our suits, soaking wet, and ordered a crapload of pasta. They brought us our checks with the food and asked us to leave. #bye”
“My roommate eats Brussels sprouts butt naked on the kitchen floor.” There was also a picture for this one, but I figured it would be best to exclude that.
Sharing is Caring:
“One time after the Grove I went to that taco place near Tavern and then was waiting for my Uber but saw a random guy eating a Jimmy Johns sandwich so I asked him for a bite of it and he let me eat some. I ate some random guy’s sandwich and then went to Jimmy Johns and got my own sandwich.”
“I was once really high at an frat pregame and saw a brown bag on the table and there was a sandwich with one bite taken out of it… and I ate it – the whole thing.”
Creative & Productive Drunk Eaters:
“Last year in preparation for drunk eats I brought three slices of pizza in a plastic bag to the Sig Ep pool party and that’s how I met my formal date.” (Plastic Bag Pizza: A love story)
“My roommate comes home fucked up and makes gnocchi at least twice a week. Like she cooks Italian pasta and manages to not get injured.” (Before you try this at home, make sure to read our tips)
“I took Cinnamon Toast Crunch, dunked it in a jar of Nutella, and ate it by the spoonful.” (I’m probably going to try this sober, tbh)
“My roommate has this thing, no matter drunk or sober, no matter if we go out or not… she makes a bowl of pasta before she goes to bed. Every night. Always.” Same as above, read them.
“I blackout and cut pineapple on the reg” (I, on the other hand, have no effing clue how to do this. If you’re like me, here’s how)
What’s Mine is Yours?:
“I used to cook every time I was blackout. Like in the middle of a house party, regardless of if I was friends with them, I’d raid the fridge and start making quesadillas for everyone” (I’m certainly not this ambitious but if you are, here’s some inspiration)
At Least You Tried:
“One night last year I had bought groceries to make a Caesar salad with homemade dressing but ran out of time so I never made the salad. I got home at 4am, hammered, and allegedly tried to make the dressing to have my salad but when I woke up there were just anchovies on the floor of the kitchen and all of the other ingredients on the counter…”
“This past Thursday I ate an entire package of ramen noodles raw…” (Weird, I don’t remember leaving the noodles raw as being one of the hacks I read about)
“My roommate told us she was gonna make queso after the last tailgate but instead sat outside on a lawn chair and ate the whole jar of cold queso with a spoon then passed out.”
“My friend woke up with broken eggs all over her floor, knives stabbed into a cereal box as if it was a knife holder, and her iHome half melted onto her stove”
“I tried to eat pizza when I was very drunk and ended up falling asleep in it so yeah.”
You believe me now, right?