It’s time to drop the tub of ice cream, turn off Dirty Dancing, and pick up your oven mitts. You’ve just found your solution to every break up ever. We all know break- ups suck, but a little sugar and a lot of passive aggressive Insta posts of you biting the face off of that cheating bastard can do the heart a lot of good.
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 25 minutes
Servings: 4 dozen cookies
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 cup butter, softened
1 ½ cups white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
as much frosting as wanted
1. Preheat oven to a toasty 375°F. In a small bowl, angrily stir together flour, baking soda, and baking powder. If you make a mess, who cares? Your ex made a mess out of you. Set aside when thoroughly mixed.
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until all of your problems are smoothed out. Next passionately beat in egg and vanilla. Gradually blend in the dry ingredients.
3. Place ball of dough onto a flour-dusted surface and flatten that jerk like a pancake (rolling pin necessary). Pick out cookie cutters that closely resemble your ex or go as a freestyle sculptor and make him (or her) fat and ugly to be extra angsty.
4. After cutting and shaping the dough how you’d like, politely shove him or her into the oven to bake.
5. Once the cookies cool off, and so do you, here comes the fun part. Use dyes, sprinkles, and every delicious flavor of frosting you can think of to perfectly detail his or her horrible face. You want to enjoy every bite.
6. When perfected, sink your teeth into that jerk’s face and munch with satisfaction. You could also try traditional voodoo by using toothpicks as pins. You are now a baker, an artist, and a creative mastermind. Who needs love?!
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