While lunch can sometimes be dinner and breakfast becomes brunch with a splash of alcohol, drunchie is it’s own animal. There are no specified food types, and no firm time restraints. As long as you’re drunk and are willing to go to almost any length to get it, it’s a drunchie.
SMU students’ spent years searching for, finding and establishing certain late-night restaurants as go-to drunchie meccas. These establishments are the best drunchies in Dallas, especially on a student’s budget. Here’s what your favorite says about you.
Whataburger: The SMU Basic
You are the #basic SMU student. Even though the bars closed you still want to hang with your 30 closest friends who you just met that night. By the time 2 am rolls around, Whataburger is as full as your macro-econ class should be, but in six hours only a few, brave, hungover souls will actually make it there.
Mad props if you can say honey butter chicken biscuit without screwing up, and if you can remember the secret menu, but the ultimate Whataburger late-night trophy is making it home with a Whata-number. Not that I’m condoning theft, I’m just saying… accidents happen.
Greenville Avenue Pizza Company (GAPCo) : The Social Butterfly
You’re the life of the party, making friends in line and going with your gut when building your precious ‘za. And don’t tell me you’ve never hit on the pizza guys over the bar. Anyone who can give, let alone make you pizza is obvi a keeper.
You’ve always got a story to tell because you go with the flow and let the night lead you where it may. You might wake up with garlic knots in your bed but there are worse things to find next to you come sunrise.
Raising Canes : The Sauce Junkie
Let’s be real, you’re only there for the Cane’s sauce, the chicken fingers, toast and french fries are pretty much irrelevant. You would slap that ish on anything remotely edible. Hell, you’d lick it off of a spoon if it was socially acceptable. Not that you haven’t done that, you just wish the people in the booth next to you weren’t throwing shade.
ProTip: Sub your slaw for an extra sauce container and never experience the sadness of post-sauce depression again.
Cafe Brazil: The Non-Decision Maker
You’re not quite sure what you want, but you kind of want everything. Sweet or savory? Pancakes or nachos? Loaded or regular cheese fries? You can never make a decision, so you don’t and wind up ordering chocolate-chip pancakes, loaded cheese fries and a side of two eggs, scrambled. If that doesn’t scream drunchie, I’m not quite sure we speak the same language.
Taco Bell: The D.A.B.
I’m just gonna say it, Taco Bell is for the blackout, post-Avenu kind of nights. You don’t give a sh*t about the diet you just started, you’re getting three Doritos Locos tacos and a Crunch Wrap Supreme and you will fight anyone who says otherwise. Mr. Über-Driver-Sir better turn up the Beyonce because you are Flawless.
Velvet Taco: The Dive Bar Queen
You obviously know what’s up if you’re going to Velvet Taco at 3 am. You can see past the awkward parking location and the seemingly tiny exterior because you have experienced what some only call rumor: 20 variety of tacos that should all end in, “and a side of roasted potatoes.”
In-N-Out Burger: The Californian
With In-N-Out there’s really only three options:
1. You’re a Californian who’s going through withdrawals (even though you know it’s never as good as home).
2. You wish you were from California (but if you say Cali you will be enthusiastically escorted from the premises).
3. Your friends fall into 1 & 2 and you really just wanted to go home.
Snuffer’s: The Old-School Drunchie
You’re all about the classics, no menus, no questions asked, confident as hell in your decisions. Snuffer’s opened in Dallas in 1978 and is still whipping up the best damn cheese-fries and deep-fried pickles this side of anywhere. Ordering anything else from Snuffer’s is not even remotely an option. That would be like going to a Tex-Mex joint and not ordering a frozen margarita, it’s just not done.
Jimmy John’s: The Hanger-Prone (or The Jekyll and Hyde)
You want FOOD. Not some greasy fast-food, that’s not gunna fill you up. You are hungry and your friend in the back chirping about Canes can literally suck it because it’s your über and yall are going to Jimmy Johns. You may not be the easiest to deal with during the ride there, but once you get a few bites of meat, bread and pickles you become the happiest, nicest drunk to ever hold a sandwich.
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