In this week’s edition of “dumb things that surfaced the Internet,” famed butter enthusiast Paula Deen officially announced to the world she is joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars by donning a purple sequined outfit, enacting an atrocious rendition of the “Nae Nae” and releasing it for the entire world to see.
Considering Paula’s relationship with um, people who typically like hip-hop, her choice of soundtrack and mockery of what has become a semi-legitimate dance floor staple amongst millennials seems even more questionable than the amount of vegetable oil she goes through in one year.
We’re excited yet terrified for the shitstorm that will flood the Internet after people witness this showcase of fine whisking, hip gyration, hair bounces, and uncomfortable “sexy eyes.” Food Network is probably exhaling a sigh of relief.
Paula’s lucky dance partner for the show will be blonde bombshell, Louis van Amstel. Paula welcomed van Amstel with open arms and perky breasts, saying “Put your head on mommy’s bosom!” to which Amstel replied, “Nice and soft!”
Because Deen’s publicist is probably on drugs, another “promotional” video was released, in which Deen hand feeds van Amstel in slow motion, to which we all promptly vomited.
Paula herself has said in the past, “I don’t care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I’ll laugh because they’ll probably be funny.” We’ll see how that one goes.
Get ready to endure multiple heart attacks, as Dancing With the Stars premiers next Monday, September 14th at 8 pm EST.