Some schools do Burnett’s, Keystone, Busch’s, PBR, Crown Rousse, Crystal Palace…but Happy Valley’s drinks of choice are definitely Natural Light and Vladimir. Yum. They are a very important part of a college kid’s very nourishing diet. Brace yourselves.
Natural Light (per one can)
Price: $15-20 (per case)
Otherwise known as: Natural Light, Natty Light, Natty, Unnatural Light
Did you know?
- Natty Light is the fifth best selling beer in the USA. It is right behind Bud Light, Budweiser, Coors Light and Miller Lite.
- Natty Light is not just for college kids and the homeless anymore– during the recession, Natty’s sales skyrocketed.
- There was a Natural (not light) for a little bit.
- Natty Light was Anheuser-Busch’s first light beer. Fun fact!
- Natty is known to get you drunk with minimal cals and minimal cost. Cha-ching!
- After Natty came out, Miller Brewing Company filed a complaint with the government to try to take Natty off the shelves because it was actually “natural”. The drama…
- In 2008, the beer won a competition for “best taste” in the World Beer Cup. Who knew that was even a thing?
- Natty’s should not linger in a cup or can. They taste best right when you open them, so I suggest shotgunning.
Vladimir Vodka (per one shot)
Price: $12 for a handle
Otherwise known as: Vlad, Vladdy, King Vlad, Vladdy is my Daddy…
Did you know?
- Run Vlad through a Brita filter a few times. You’ll ruin the filter, but it makes the vodka “less offensive” and smoother. It still doesn’t taste like Grey Goose, though, so don’t get too excited.
- Try it: Vlad, Lemonade Mix and Sprite
- There is a twitter account for Vlad, but it’s not even that funny. @VladProblems
Here’s what Penn State students think about their dranks (all students shall remain anonymous):
“It tastes like rubbing alcohol, but honestly, I enjoy it.”
“It hurts when it gets in your eyes, but don’t worry, I was only blinded for about 30 seconds.”
“It makes me black out every single night. It’s not my friend, but I still drink it.”
“I like Vlad. It gets the job done.”
“I feel like it is seeping into every crevice of my brain and slowly turning it into mush, but I forget by the time I should start to care.”
“Natty Light tastes like dirty hose water, mixed with skunk juice.”
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