Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably gotten caught up in Hamilton hype. Broadway’s most Tony-nominated musical (and now Tony Award winning – Best Musical) has been slaying since it arrived to “The Great White Way” almost a year ago.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been trying to score Hamilton tickets since it opened. Not matching with that hottie you Tinder-swiped right on? I can promise that is infinitely far less depressing than getting this email every day…
To add insult to injury, it was announced last week that tickets are undergoing a price hike. A premium ticket is now going to sell for $849. So short of selling my kidney on the black market, I am forced to explore alternate uses for my dolla bills.
To ease my pain, I’ve come up with a list of the five things you can buy for the price of a $849 Hamilton ticket. They certainly won’t ever fill your heart in the same way, but they can at least preoccupy you until you get an offer for your kidney.
1. 8.5 Golden Donuts from Manila Social Club in Brooklyn, NY
2. 106 $8 Chipotle Burritos
If Alexander Hamilton and crew lived in 2016, chances are they would’ve Postmate-d Chipotle to tie them over during their lengthy cabinet meetings. For the price of one $849 Hamilton ticket, you could essentially eat a Chipotle burrito twice a week, every week for a year.
3. 15 Starbucks Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccinos (AKA the Most Expensive Starbucks Order Ever)
4. 1 Round-Trip Ticket from NYC to Paris + 5 Ladurée Macarons
Paying homage to the nationality of Hamilton’s close pal Marquis de Lafayette, you could travel to his motherland of France for the price of one ticket to the show. I know, shit is real.
A quick search on Kayak yielded a roundtrip flight from NYC to Paris for $830. That leaves you a little under 18 Euro to splurge on some authentic Ladurée Macarons for the truly authentic Parisian experience. Or you could try some grub from any of these Paris hotspots, instead.
5. 189 Jars of Trader Joe’s Bacon Jam
And finally, because if you can’t afford to see Hamilton, you can sure as hell eat yourself to death with ham… er, bacon. At $4.49 a jar, you can stock up on Trader Joe’s new and soon-to-be fan favorite, Bacon Jam.
So, Hamilton fans. There ya have it. You may not ever be able to afford a ticket to the hottest ticket in town. But you sure as hell can have fun eating your feelings with the money you’ll save.