New Year’s Kiss? Nah, how about crying and eating bread by yourself on the floor? That’s more my jam anyway.

If all your friends are going to events like “Boston Common Tree Lighting” or “Northeastern Speaker Series” and you all you want to do on a daily basis is curl up and watch Netflix, you’re not alone.

Because luckily, tons of people on Facebook are just like you, and are attending food-related Facebook events that are just a little too real. Seriously – ever wanted to eat a whole pizza by yourself in one sitting? 1.8K people do. Want to drop out of college and eat french fries? Same.

These are the eleven most relevant Facebook events you’ll ever attend in your life. You’re welcome.

Crying and Eating Bread By Yourself on the Floor

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

BYOB peeps. BYOB.

Become a Human Burrito Because Life is Hard and Winter is Cold

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Too true. #WinterisComing

Eat Krispy Kreme and Kry

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Is this real? Seems more legit. Either way, we’re down.

Make Sangria & Drink Alone in ur Apartment While Watching Beans from Even Stevens

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

TJ’s Wine Shop has got all your sangria needs covered.

Eating Alone in the Shower

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Who needs shower beers when you can have shower pizza?

Become an Actual Potato

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

“Who would want to look like a potato when you can actually be the potato?” #Deep

Cry and Eat Ice Cream Because It’s OK to Fail Finals

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Eat your feelings. Eat them.

Drop Out of College and Eat 10 Pounds of French Fries

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Sometimes the polls in these events are better than the events.

Eat a Whole Package of Oreos by Yourself in One Sitting

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

So much yass.

Laughing While Eating Salad

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Wait, you mean you don’t usually laugh while eating salad?

Eat Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Till You See God

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

It’s the holiest of experiences.

And as for me?

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Photo courtesy of facebook.com

Sorry, I’ll be in Kittenland. Meow.