Remember the days where we would sit in a crowded cafeteria, a smile naturally plastered on our faces? We would pull out our Dora the Explorer or Power Rangers lunch box out of our purple monogrammed rolling backpack. We would open the box and it would be stuffed with personalized snacks and sugary-sweet drinks. Nothing takes us back to our childhood more than the taste of that high fructose corn syrup and artificial fruit flavor.
We at Spoon University dearly missed that nostalgic taste. We desired that teeth-rotting flavor. But alas, we are now college students. Our peers would stare us down and laugh if we brought our favorite childhood drinks to class. Therefore, we decided to do what all college students do – mix those drinks with alcohol.
Our over 21 members taste tested the drinks that we drank in elementary school as chasers for the lowest-quality vodka available. Here is the definitive ranking of their results.
7. Capri Sun
“Has a weird aftertaste”
“Not a fan”
No one get fired up here. We are not saying that we dislike Capri Sun. Actually, we found the taste of the drink quite delightful. It truly reminded us of our timeouts during sub-par recreational soccer days. But even though Capri Sun tastes great alone, it should never be mixed with alcohol.
We found that the Capri Sun chaser did not mask the taste of the alcohol at all. In fact, it added a weird metallic aftertaste that made us scrunch up our face, shake our heads and say, “NOOOO.” Apparently the drink has a new formula, so maybe that is why it was so gross. Stick to drinking Capri Suns on a nice sunny day.
“Tastes like I just chased vodka with a melted popsicle”
Unfortunately we were unsuccessful in finding those plastic Kool-Aid bottles with the squeezy cap. That would have been dank. Instead, we dropped a couple drops of the cherry juice into some ice water and made our own Kool-Aid.
Alone, this drink tasted like the most artificial cherry flavor you could ever imagine. As a chaser, the drink tasted like the most artificial cherry flavor you could ever imagine. The drink certainly did not do any damage as a chaser, but we would not say it did much good. Instead, maybe try making a cocktail from the Kool-Aid.
“I’m not disgusted by it but I would never use it as a mixer”
“I need water to wash that down to forget about how bad that is”
“I’d be down to Nesquik and Chill”
Unsurprisingly, we were dreading this drink. Nesquik is great, but no one wants to mix milk and vodka. Well, we were delighted to discover that the Nesquik chaser was not awful. The chocolate milk completely erased the flavor of the alcohol and the flavor of the milk itself is awesome.
But still, the texture change from the vodka to the thicker milk was fairly nauseating and using Nesquik as chaser for the whole night would probably cause it to taste like sour milk – we had no interest in attempting that.
4. Hawaiian Punch
“It’s so sweet that it overpowers the vodka”
“Good chaser because it washes away the flavor but is strangely not really a good drink on its own”
It was a slight disappointment that we could not find the original red flavored (because red is definitely a flavor in kid world) Hawaiian punch, but we can assure you, the sweetness factor was not affected by the change. The juice was disgusting on its own.
It was so sugary that we felt like it had the power to rot every bone in our body. As a chaser, though, the sweetness acted in our favor: the Hawaiian punch was so sugary the vodka taste was completely erased. We would most definitely use this punch as a chaser again. If you are really feeling that punch, you can even eat it in ice cream form.
“IT’S A GOOD CHASER!”
“Tastes like a fruit roll-up but in a gross way”
The SunnyD had a very similar outcome as the Hawaiian Punch. The outrageously sugary sweetness masked the burning vodka. The flavor of the SunnyD was just slightly better than the punch, giving us about a millisecond of natural fruity bite. Also, SunnyD was the drink that we always wanted but our parents never bought us. That caused the chaser to make us feel like bad-asses all the more.
“I want to drink this every day”
To be quite frank, the only reason why Squirt was not our number one chaser was because we expected it to be good, and it met our expectations. We believe that Squirt is one of the most underrated sodas and that it should be brought back into the mainstream market. Squirt was a great chaser, complementing the flavor and tasting great in general. At that, Squirt was not amazing, and that is what it needed to be in order to get awarded with our number one spot.
1. Juicy Juice
“I really enjoy this”
“It’s delicious, adorable, and portable”
Juicy Juice was great for every reason imaginable. It had a more natural and tasty fruit flavor than any of the other drinks on the list, it was sweet enough to erase the vodka, it reminded us of our childhood and it is adorable.
We could totally see ourselves stashing a Juicy Juice in our pockets and bringing it to a pregame/party. Therefore, Spoon University has come to the consensus that juice boxes need to be the new party trend.