We all know what an avocado is, at least, I hope we do. Good? Okay, I don’t have to spend any more time describing the Empress of the Produce Department to you.
Now, you would think avocados would be universally loved, I mean what’s not to love? They are good for you, incredibly versatile, and most of all, delicious. I have been known to eat avocados directly from their skins with nothing more than a little lime and salt.
But, recently, I have learned that not everybody loves avocados, some people really hate them, including YouTuber Jenna Marbles (warning, many curses ahead). Not just slight disdain either, I mean certain people, and you know who you are, have been known to call avocados names so awful that I dare not repeat them.
With me being me, I cannot leave this matter to rest. I had to try and sway somebody, anybody, back to the light. Because as we all know, any food with this many fans cannot be bad, it’s just science.
First of all, avocados come from North America, Mexico to be specific. They’re grown all over Mexico, California, and Florida so they don’t have to be shipped from the other side of the world. According to this article from Avocado Central, an avocado will not ripen on the tree, they can be left there for months, meaning fresh avocados are available year round naturally. So for anyone eating seasonally, strawberries and apples may fade, but guacamole is forever.
According to the University of California, Avocados were first cultivated by the Aztecs, who called them ahuacatl, or testicle. They were also introduced to settlers as alligator pears, which is totally badass.
Plus, avocados are related to cinnamon, which helps give us such deliciousness as snickerdoodles and cinnamon buns and are related to bay laurel, according to their wikipedia page. The ancient Greeks used bay laurels as their highest form of honor, and those Greeks were pretty smart cookies. Fact: If you eat avocados then you are destined for greatness. That’s how I’m reading it anyway.
According to an article from Medical News Today, avocados have a truckload of health benefits. I could go into them in extreme detail, but I am not going to, for many reasons, primarily because it would be boring. Here are a few of the more interesting ones:
Besides helping to lower cholesterol, ward off osteoporosis, and keep your vision healthy, one-half of an avocado contains 20% of your daily intake of folate. The benefits of folate include lowering risk of depression, helping to protect against miscarriages and neural tube defects in infants, reducing the risk of breast cancer, and shows promise in reducing the risk of a handful of others.
Healthy stuff aside, avocados are freaking delicious. I mean, they are buttery and fresh and make you feel like everything is going to be okay. Plus, what about guacamole, AKA the best dish to ever to grace this earth? Now, I will admit, I have had some pretty disgusting guac, but let’s not blame the avocado for the sins of the cook.
When it’s prepared well, that first bite of guacamole is like Christmas, and your birthday, and that random Tuesday when you get home and find out your mom bought cookie butter all rolled into one with a little sprinkle of glitter for good measure. And yes, that’s exactly what guac tastes like, trust me.
Guacamole isn’t just for chips anymore. It can go on sandwiches and toast if you wanna make your Insta game super legit.
Now I’m not suggesting that the avocado is a one trick pony. You can make chocolate truffles, mousse, smoothies, and even ice cream. While I haven’t tried all of these heavenly creations (yet), I have had avocado chocolate mousse, and you can’t taste the avocado.
There you have it, definitive proof that the avocado is actually the best thing since Betty White (Betty White, according to the American Grandparents Association, was born before the invention of the automatic bread slicer, so it’s like saying the best thing since sliced bread only better). Still not convinced? Well, then, I am sorry, you are simply a lost cause, I’ll get someone to pray for your soul.