There are all kinds of personality types out there, ESTJ, INFP, WXYZ, yadda, yadda, yadda. But you know what really determines who you are as a person? Coffee. Ever wonder what your coffee personality type is? Get roasted by a barista as you discover what your favorite Saxbys drink says about you.
Really? That’s it? I mean, that was such a simple order. By Saxbys standards, you’re either European, wish you were European, or you're way older than your average college student. You cut to the chase when it comes to caffeine, and you’re tougher than those drip coffee drinkers. Good on you.
So you think you know a thing or two about coffee. Specifically, espresso. You want people to know that you like the finer things in life, and you know that coffee shouldn’t be tainted with superfluous flavors. Flavors are for the weak. You have leveled up in the coffee kingdom, and these baristas shall witness your developing coffee knowledge.
You like coffee, but you’re not sure if you like like coffee. Do you have a dependency on caffeine and sugar? Yeah, like there’s a 95% probability you’ll go through withdrawal if you don’t get your Cinnamon-Cookie-Vanilla-Peppermint-Mocha. But hey, you and coffee are just keeping things casual. No need to label whatever this relationship is.
Because asking for a latte doesn't sound fancy enough. You probably try to say croissant with a French accent.
You're not about frills. You just want to get that caffeine fix and to get on with your day. You're too tough/serious/busy for anything added to your coffee. But deep down, you're eyeing those Frolattes.
Last night was rough. You had a paper due at 8 am that you started last night at 9 pm. It’s ok, we’ve all been there. I hope that extra shot gets you through the day.
Large Iced Americano
Have you slept this week? Have you slept ever? I can't tell, and to be honest I'm a little scared. You might be a med student. Or a sociopath. I'm not sure which, but godspeed on your caffeine fueled journey as you transcend human consciousness.
You're either an athlete or really hungover. There's fruit in it, so it's healthy, right? Throw in some protein powder and you're the epitome of healthy living. Take a pic and put it on your fitspo account.
Coffee who? Latte what? You've accepted that there's nothing healthy about a coffee drink that has 35 flavors pumped into it, so why worry about appearances? You’re riding the sugar train and the haters are just jealous that you've achieved nirvana with your caffeine-infused milkshake.
You don't do coffee, but you need a place with the right aesthetic to get you in the mindset to work on your blog. There's no caffeine in this right? How much caffeine is in the light caffeine tea? Look, buddy, it's no cup of espresso. Your heart won't give out, I promise.
Your friends wanted to get coffee and you're feeling pressured to buy something. You order a tea flavor Russian-roulette style hoping it'll be worth the three bucks. It's leaf water. Put some sugar in it and it'll be tasty.
Hopefully you've found your coffee personality type and had a good chuckle or did that heavy breathing snort thing. Your baristas indeed do enjoy making your drinks, we just like to poke fun sometimes. It makes the shift go by faster. So next time you get coffee, feel free to joke with your barista. It makes them feel more like a human.