Dining halls are an interesting thing. One day it’s like a five-star restaurant, offering “make your own stir-fry” with a million veggies and protein options. The next night, though, the hall pulls a 180° and the only option is beef stroganoff. What even is that?
To help you navigate the maze of bottomless, exotic dishes, we cover all the basic dishes with a little help from TV’s best, Grey’s Anatomy. Because who better to tell you how you’re feeling than characters who have made you feel so much?
Dirty – Sloppy Joe
Don’t we all? If you can consume a Sloppy Joe sandwich without spilling on yourself, well then, props to you. I could probably wear a garbage bag while trying to consume one of these sandwiches and still manage to ruin the clothes underneath. Doing extra laundry in college is just not worth it, so we continue on to the next station.
Confused – Meatless Meatloaf with Pecans
A common reaction when seeing Meatless Meatloaf on the menu. If the meatloaf is meat-less, then um, what is it? I think it’s best if we don’t find out.
Dissatisfied – Tofu Vegetable Stew
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who hates on tofu. Tofu Pad Thai is bomb. BUT, saute some unrecognizable vegetable slaw in a questionable murky brown sauce with raw chunks of soy and you’ve got yourself one unpleasant dish. No thank you.
Hopeful – Sushi
Because when are the dining halls ever not out of sushi? As nice as a California Roll sounds after a long morning of Econ, don’t get your hopes up. Chances are the sushi has been consumed long before you swiped your card to enter the building.
Nauseated – Broccoli Raisin Pizza with Unknown Cheese
Whoever thought putting broccoli on a pizza was a good idea clearly didn’t go to college to experience their creation come to life. Add raisins and you might as well trash the thing; after an entire semester at the University of Michigan, I have yet to meet a student drunk enough to try that. Cereal for dinner? I think yes.
Abandoned – Hot Dogs
I know you must be feeling neglected, hot dogs, but don’t expect any changes in the near future. As long as you remain undercooked or burnt, no one’s gonna grab ya. Dessert for dinner? One perk of the dinning hall is that there are no parents to advise you otherwise.
Vulnerable – Warm Chocolate Chip Cookies
Why they put the cookies by the door is unclear. The smell is intoxicating, making it almost impossible to leave the dining hall without devouring one… or two… or seven. Way to go warm chocolate chip cookies for personally contributing to my freshman 15.