At some point on Saturday night, there will come a time when your stomach is rumbling. Whenever you reach this point, it’s impossible to ignore that gnawing feeling in your stomach. And to make matters worse, you’re drunk, so your willpower to resist greasy food has disappeared quickly as that 4th shot.
Don’t worry, Robin Scherbastky’s been there, and she knows exactly how you feel.
You hear someone mention food.
Your eyes instantly light up, and an image of a perfect crispy Domino’s Pan Pizza comes to mind.
You can’t get the pizza out of your head.
You attempt to refocus on your surroundings, but fail miserably. Resume daydreaming about pizza. Without thinking, you type in the website. Drunk you doesn’t even have to log in because your phone remembers your username and password…. No shame.
You ask your friends if it’s a good idea.
You don’t even know why you bother with asking, you know you’re going to order it anyway.
You ignore their advice.
When they say, “Dude, you did the same thing last Saturday. Take it easy,” all you hear is, “Dude, you should totally order that pizza. Lemme Venmo you, I gotta get in on this order.”
You click the checkout button.
You ignore your other friends’ pleads about how horrible you’ll feel the next day, and select Reorder on the site. How nice of them to remember your favorite order. Within seconds, you’ve sealed the deal.
You freak when you see “Time until Delivery.”
25-30 minutes?! That is like 2 hours in Drunk and Hungry Time, or DHT. Does it really take Dominos 10 minutes to inspect the pizza? Come on, Dominos, get it together.
You see the tracker says your pizza is on its way.
It’s about time. The beat hasn’t even dropped at the party you’re at, but you break out with your best jazz hands anyway.
The delivery person calls you.
Your heart leaps into your chest as your phone rings, and you think to yourself that you have never felt real joy before this moment. You click the answer button and yell, “Hello,” way too enthusiastically to the driver.
The driver is at the wrong address.
Literally what have you done in life to deserve this. You know the campus is a mess for delivery people to navigate, but you said in your order instructions just to stay by the main intersection. It’s not rocket science.
You frantically run up and down the main road.
It’s like your whole life had led up to this test. You turn on survival mode, charge out of the frat, and make a beeline for the nearest parking lot next to the intersection. That seems the most logical place for a delivery person to park right? Nope. Just as you get there, the driver calls and says he’s at the parking lot two blocks over.
Time to sprint the other way.
You find the delivery guy.
When you finally see the car with the Dominos sign, you feel like you’ve seen an angel. You try to hold back the tears as you walk over, cash at the ready. As the Dominos guy pulls out the pizza box, you think to yourself, “These are the moments that make life worth living.”
You pay the pizza guy and book it to your room.
You even give the pizza guy an extra tip because you’re just that nice. Okay, fine, you only have $15.00 and drunk-you is not in a position to calculate out a tip. But you tell yourself you made Delivery Guy’s day (or very late night) anyway.
You go to town on that pizza.
Finally, with peace and quiet in your room, you can dive into your pizza. You don’t even bother breaking all the pieces apart as you shovel them into your mouth. And, thanks to your drunk food order, your night could not have ended better.