Through enticing Groupon ads and celebrity social media pressure, I decided to embark on a journey that would be more of a challenge than I thought. On a lonely night in my dorm room, I decided to do what you should never do – I took out my debit card and ordered unnecessary junk. This time, it was a one-day juice cleanse. Six juices, one day, one hungry girl. Here is my experience.
Juice 1: 8:25 am
Ingredients: kale, romaine, spinach, celery, apple, pear, banana, strawberry and rice milk
Only two inches of the bottle down, and I have decided that this flavor should most definitely should not be allowed. Not that I’m a junk food fanatic or that I hate vegetables, but I prefer not to drink my romaine. This is a green juice on steroids, with a slight aftertaste of apple. I need to keep on schedule, though, so I need to get to chuggin’.
This juice will NEVER end. Morale is low and I am slowing down. This is getting thicker and thicker with each gulp. Someone send help and a tray of mozzarella sticks.
Juice 2: 11:35 am
Ingredients: Lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, water
Ok, anything is better than that moss I just drank. Lemonade…I can do that! It’s a little spicy but it should be easy to take down.
Three and a half hours later…
Why did that take me so long to finish…I liked…it? Next up is a green juice that I’m dreading. And I’m SO behind schedule. I’m sweating. (OFF THE RECORD: I couldn’t last. I broke and had some egg whites. I’m no hero.)
Juice 3: 3:11 pm
Ingredients: kale, spinach, celery, apple, ginger, lemon rice milk
Another green juice – nice. Just what I want! Only kidding, what I really want is a juicy cheeseburger with a side of fries.
Juice 4: 4:55 pm
Ingredients: chia seeds, pomegranate, strawberry, lemon, water, agave
I literally have no time to waste. I need to chug and I need to chug it NOW. Luckily this juice tastes like a strawberry daiquiri, so I think I can do this. And, the juice after this is peanut butter banana, my favorite snack. I got this.
Juice 5: 7:23 pm
Ingredients: peanut butter, banana, rice milk
ALL RIGHT, this was supposed to be a good one! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU; WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. This tastes like baby throw up. I can’t give up now, but…maybe I can? This is horrendous and should be outlawed.
I quit. There is no amount of money that could bribe me to continue drinking this baby vomit. I tried to keep it calm and cool and collected today, but I cannot resist solid foods any longer. I do not feel cleansed of my toxins or even slightly full. Why did I do this again??
As I poured the last two juices into the sink and watched $17 worth of juice rush down the drain, I felt no regret. In fact, I felt empowered. I love my body, what was I trying to accomplish by denying myself solid foods for the entire day?
Although an interesting experiment, I learned that one day of straight juice is not enough to transform me into Adrianna Lima. After indulging into a massive cupcake post-cleanse, I smiled triumphantly and told myself that I would never give in to the glamorous ads and celebrity posts that advocate for these overpriced and ultimately unsuccessful cleanses. Unless I was willing to completely change my diet after this one day of juicing, there would be no result.