Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Starbs trip just as much as everyone else. But sometimes, when I’m sipping my delicious, sugary drink, I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I start to wonder, “How many French fries am I really drinking?” Just so I’m not alone in this self-guilt, I’ve created a side-by-side list of some of my favorite Starbucks drinks and their “real food” caloric counterpart. You can love me or hate me for this. Choose wisely, my friends.
Disclaimer: All drinks listed are tall (12 oz.) with skim milk unless otherwise stated.
Black Coffee v. Water
Winner: Neither. Both are equally tasteless and equally lame. At least put some cinnamon and soy milk in that dark, watery garbage.
Shaken Sweet Tea Lemonade v. 2 Cups of Grapes
Winner: Grapes. This is completely subjective, though, because grapes are my all-time favorite food (no, it’s not weird), and I think lemonade is just a watered-down nonsense version of juice.
Teavana Oprah Chai Tea Latte v. 14 Plain Almonds
Winner: Oprah’s Chai Tea Latte, duh. Who would rather eat 14 measly almonds when you could enjoy a cup of holiday spirit that’s endorsed by the (unspoken) ruler of the world? You get a latte, and you get a latte!
Nonfat Iced Caramel Macchiato v. 11 Nacho Cheese Doritos
Winner: Hmm, difficult. Very difficult. This is definitely my go-to basic girl drink, but come on, nothing beats Doritos. Cheese wins this round.
Pumpkin Spice Latte with Whipped Cream v. 56 M&M’s
Winner: In my eyes, pumpkin can do no wrong. Plus, who wants to waste their calories on plain M&M’s when there are so many better varieties out there? If these were peanut butter M&M’s, my decision might be different. For now, pumpkin wins.
Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with Whipped Cream v. 1 McDonald’s Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad
Winner: As much as I love frappuccinos, I’m going to have to go with the McDonald’s salad here. It’s healthier. It’s more filing. It’s an actual meal—it’s just all around the better choice.
Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream v. (approx.) 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Winner: It’s peanut butter jelly time, y’all. While caramel hot cocoa is a velvety river of rich, warm chocolate bliss, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich evokes every happy childhood memory imaginable.
Venti Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino with Whole Milk and Whipped Cream v. 2 Servings of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Winner: No need for discussion. Mac and cheese wins. Court dismissed. Bring in the dancing lobsters.