Throughout high school, I never saw myself as skinny. I constantly put myself down and compared myself to the size and shape of others like it was my job. My thoughts overtook my entire life and I became obsessed with every little thing I ate and movement I took.
It wasn't until I went for a doctor's appointment until I fully realized that there was something wrong. My doctor lectured me about the unhealthy amount of weight I've lost and how negatively it was affecting my body.
This was true; I couldn't brush my hair without huge amounts falling out and my energy levels were plummeting. I was done with living in an unhealthy body and switched my eating and exercise habits back to where they originally were. I became physically healthy again, but the unhealthy thoughts seemed to linger in my head.
How It All Changes in College
Then came freshman year of college, where I experienced so many new and exciting things: unlimited dining court options, midnight McDonald's runs, and late-night pizza binges. I had met some amazing friends who would never fail to join me in grabbing a milkshake from down the street or devouring a pizza in the middle of our dorm lobby.
I knew what the freshman fifteen was, but I never thought I would gain weight until I came home for winter break. I stepped on the scale for the first time since move-in and my thoughts immediately started to shift back to those unhealthy habits, something I didn't want to experience ever again.
College is an amazing thing. It gives you lifelong friends, incredible opportunities, and experiences of a lifetime. However, being in college can put a lot of stress and pressure on students, which can lead to constant feelings of insecurity and not being good enough.
What the Facts Say
According to Screening for Mental Health, Inc., 58% of college-aged students are pressured to be a certain weight. The media portrays gaining weight as extremely common in college. It also sends messages of having to look a certain way in order to be "attractive," such as men becoming more muscular and women striving to be shaped like Kylie Jenner.
Coming to college when previously dealing with an eating disorder has affected me in ways I didn't know it would. The pressure to look like someone other than yourself is unreal and body image is seen in such a negative light in today's society.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 20 million women and 10 million men will suffer from an eating disorder at some time in their life. The friends you talk to or the people you pass walking to class may be struggling, yet the feeling is kept to themselves. The willingness to reach out for help is lacking in today's society. People keep their problems to themselves in fear that "no one will care", or they "don't want to talk about themselves" (P.S., we do care).
How I Overcame the Odds
I am so thankful that I've met friends who helped me in all sorts of ways and encouraged me to be myself. It's been over three years since I was at my worst and I still struggle to this day. But all of the amazing memories I've made in college wouldn't have happened if I let my thoughts control my life.
Make that 2 A.M. McDonald's run, conquer that extra-large pizza with your best friends. You are who you are for a reason and there is nothing wrong with that. To anyone suffering from an eating disorder, or anyone struggling in general: you are not alone. College is filled with some great memories; make the best of them. There are plenty of good days ahead.