To all the indecisive students at Lafayette College,
I understand your struggle when ordering from our beloved Simon’s. Despite how welcoming and easy it is to order, plus the typical lengthy time in line to choose, once you reach that counter it’s always last minute decision time. Sometimes you are stuck between a few of your favorites and sometimes you’re feeling daring and want to try something new. So, what do you do?
1. Narrow down your options.
Do you want a flatbread? Then you have the choice of rolled or cut. Or maybe a salad if you’re feeling healthy, which if you went to Simon’s you’re probably not. Then there are the classic hoagies: so many options of breads, filled with delicious meats, cheeses, veggies, and more.
2. Consider making your own.
To make everything more complicated but allowing for freedom of choice, you can order a MYOF, a MYOS, or a MYOH. For those who are unfamiliar with these classic Simon’s terms, they stand for make your own flatbread, salad, or hoagie.
This gives you the opportunity to decide how your day is going and therefore order yourself the most comforting and satisfying concoction you can come up with. And an extra dollar for bacon, duh.
3. Desserts vs chips.
After placing your order, you are just one step in. Next you need to decide dessert vs. chips. Now this decision really depends on the day you’re having. Feel like you need some extra lovin’? Go for a soft brownie that will warm your soul and belly. But beware, it must be soft. No exceptions because who wants to bite into a hard crunchy brownie? If you do, then transfer to Lehigh.
You also have the option of a Rice Krispy treat, but personally I think they just put those out for the lost souls who haven’t fallen in love with the brownies yet.
On the other hand, maybe you’re having an upbeat, energetic day then some crunchy chips are the perfect addition to your meal.
4. Decide on fruit.
A meal swipe allows for dessert or chips and a fruit. So now you must decide if it’s even worth it to take the fruit. Banana or apple or orange? Do the apples even look good today? Are the bananas yellow enough? Hmm, first world problems…
You have no obligation to take fruit unless you can hear your mom’s voice in your ear saying “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Maybe just suck it up and eat the damn apple.
5. Choose your spices.
When you finally see your dinner (or second dinner or late night snack) coming out the other end of the oven, your heartbeat picks up a little and it’s time for that classic question that you’ve seen countless Yaks about, “salt, pepper, oregano?”
Well, what’s it going to be? Choose wisely, the seasonings could make or break your flat, salad, or hoagie. Maybe a pickle would add a little somethin’ somethin’ to your meal.
6. Weigh your drink options.
After the internal (and occasionally public if you need a friend’s opinion) struggle is over, then you must decide on a drink. On your way to the machine you pray there is ice ’cause if not you might shed a tear.
Make sure you get something that goes with your meal or else everything might taste weird together. A buffalo chicken flatbread and a banana and a cup of blue PowerAde might just taste like shit when consumed too closely together, but to each his (or her) own, I guess.
In the end, no matter what you decide, you’ll enjoy it solely because its from our dear Simon’s, which employs the kindest workers on the planet. It feels like a home away from home and the comfort food is the best you’ll find on campus.
We love you Simon’s and we are sorry for our indecisiveness. We’re working on it.