Okay, I cannot be the only person who is 100% fed up with the general lack of etiquette in the dining halls on campus, especially Commons. Everyone needs to get it together, and here’s how.
1. To everyone: talk to Marge (and our other lovely hillcard-swiping friends). You don’t have to stay all day, but just tell her to have a good day and react to the stories that she tells you about her grandkids. You would want the same if you were her.
2. To people in the hot food line: stop blocking the people that just want pizza. They’re not trying to cut, they just want that delicious cheese explosion. You’re making them feel weird by not letting them have a clear path. Don’t make these poor pizza-eaters grind up on you to get a slice.
(Smiling on the outside, dying on the inside)
3. To people that aren’t allergic to gluten: don’t take all of the gluten-free desserts. They’re not really for you, and they’re not really better for you than the perfectly adequate regular, centrally located, gluten-licious cookies. If you MUST take one, just do it and do it without telling us all about how you’re cutting out gluten because we don’t want to hear about it.
4. To those who like sugar in their coffee: just grab a packet and a stirrer and move along down the line. If we all dumped our sugar into our coffee while looming over the sugar area, we would graduate before we got to the cups from the end of the coffee line.
5. To everyone who loves fruit: good for you, avoid scurvy at all costs! But guys please PLEASE stop touching all over the apples. Nobody washes those after plucking them out of those bowls and before eating them (you and me included, I bet) which means that you’re licking on other people’s grubby finger germs and they’re licking on yours (ya nasty).
6. To people who like to make paninis: please use the nonstick spray so that your crusty cheese doesn’t smoke and burn. If you neglect to do this, use that scraper to scrape it off before you burn us all in a fiery panini catastrophe.
7. To everyone: if someone drops their food on the floor, help them pick it up! You will 100% make a loyal lifelong friend, and you’ll end their pain and embarrassment at twice the speed (scientifically proven).
Please take these words to heart my dears and help make our dinning hall be the lovely food utopia that it could be. And, Now that you’ve learned how to not be a jerk in Commons, find out from our friends at Spoon Rochester what kind of dining hall goer you really are!