We all know that Thanksgiving is a time for family, friends and ungodly amounts of food that would make even the gluttons in Dante’s Inferno ashamed. To prepare you for the mighty feast, I’ve compiled a few helpful tips that will hopefully reduce the after-eating sluggishness and discomfort. Good luck, my friends!
1. Practice eating disgustingly large meals at least a week before the big day.
This is actually how professional eaters (yes, that’s a real job) prepare for their upcoming competitions. The trick is to practice gradually stretching out your stomach so it’s able to store more food. Disturbing and incredible.
2. Then, try fasting the day before.
This make as much room as possible in your tum. I always try this and always, always fail.
3. Drink a lot of Diet Coke.
The carbonation causes you to burp a lot and gives you way more room for food. I literally do this whenever I go to restaurants and it works like a charm.
4. Run a 5K (commonly known as a “Turkey Trot”) in the morning.
You’ll feel no regrets later when you eat your body weight in actual turkey. Or just sign up and donate to one and pretend to do it. Either way, your conscience will be clear and you body ready.
5. Stock up on Pepto Bismol.
Trust me, you’ll thank me for this one.
6. Make sure to wear stretchy clothes on the big day.
To ensure maximum comfort for your eventual food baby. Girls, I recommend leggings and a flowy tunic. Guys, you’re really out of luck with this one…maybe buy special “Thanksgiving pants” that are 1-5 sizes too big? Definitely worth it.
7. Be confident in your eating abilities.
As Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” So go forth and eat that fourth plate of food!
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!