A few weeks back, I watched One Direction on Saturday Night Live. The weekend before, I saw One Direction: This is Us. I’ll even admit that I have looked at the 1D 2015 calendar.
It has come to the point where I must admit my double identity—I’m a Spoonie, and a Direction-er.
And as such, I had to assign each member of the group his own food. I have to admit, I’m not actually BFFs with them, and if you are you might not agree with me. That’s ok.
Niall is sweet-faced, and he has that hair. That hair! It’s blond and a little puffy, and especially on SNL, I can’t help but think of it, and him, as cotton candy. He’s sweet, and maybe a little airy, but also fun. Pink seems sweeter, but blue would match his eyes. Either way, can’t go wrong.
Louis, oh Louis. I also always feel like he’s a goofball who instigates antics, in interviews and onstage and whatnot. I don’t know if there’s a food that instigates antics, but there is a hilarious video where Louis says he likes girls who eat carrots that sparked a lot of Internet buzz when it came out. So Louis is a carrot.
There are weirdly a billion pics of Harry Styles eating various foods all over the web, but I think that the food that would best embody him is a Dirty Hipster—a soy chai latte with a shot of espresso. Harry’s a certainly the most trendy Direction (fashion-wise), with a distinct hipster-y look (did you see him on SNL?), and he tends to steal the show wherever he goes. And who can pay attention to anything else when they have a Dirty Hipster in front of them?
Liam is so hard to pin down—he’s a great singer but he doesn’t have a big personality on stage. Liam’s totally toast with honey, the breakfast of people who want to keep their vocal chords clear-sounding, and sweet, but not the most flamboyant. But toast is a cute classic, like Liam.
Zayn represents the dark, brooding, and artsy side of the group. And what food embodies that? Coffee, no cream, no sugar. Artists drink coffee and are brood, and I imagine Zayn does too. And if you don’t want to drink it, you can just wrap your hands around the mug to keep you warm. Or around Zayn. Swoon.