Snapchat recently updated its “Best Friends” system to an emoji hierarchy that might require a college degree to decipher. Snapchatters are not having it, but the new system prompts a hard-hitting question: what if the emojis described our relationships with food?
Gold Heart – #1 Best Friend: Avocado
Grimace – You have a mutual #1 Best Friend: Toast
Avocado and toast are a go-to pair, so it’s no surprise you share your BFF with this breakfast staple. Toast, however, is kind of clingy, and without avocado (or nut butters, honey and ricotta or greek salad), it has no claim to fame. Those sad selfies he keeps sending, classed up only by a snazzy toaster, never merit a reply. So don’t be too jealous, you’re probably still avocado’s BFF. Probably.
Smile – One of your Best Friends: Cookie
The cookie (or it’s younger sibling, cookie dough) is one of the most versatile, fun desserts. Coming in a myriad of flavors, cookies can be innocent (throwback to the ice cream sandwich, anyone?) or more grown-up (slutty brownies, I’m looking at you). Whatever form it takes, the cookie is definitely a solid food to have has a bestie.
Sunglasses – You have a mutual Best Friend: Milk
Milk and cookies, like toast and avocado, simply work together (and they’re probably each other’s BFF). But hey, you won’t sweat it. Cookie is only a best friend, and he’ll never be your #1 (still, just in case, you better stop sending all those snaps of cookie shots and Insomnia trips).
Smirk – You’re their best friend but they’re not yours: Barefoot Wine
Cheap wine has one major consumer: college kids, and man, does Barefoot Wine love us. He tends to send lots of “classy” selfies chilling in crystal flutes, and while you aren’t fooled, you cave and reply every once in awhile (because sometimes it’s unavoidable). Still, you’re careful not to get too friendly: you have to avoid the arsenic and maintain that power dynamic.
Fire – You two are on a snapstreak for the number of days shown: Ben & Jerry’s Pint
Whichever flavor you are (retired or otherwise), you’ve probably had that flame going for a bit (read: since your last trip to the grocery store). The fire might die out from time to time, but it won’t stay quenched it for long. Ben & Jerry’s is on the edge of ice cream innovation, and while your first streak might be with an old classic, you’ll probably have a few flirtationships with the latest flavors as well.
Snapchat may seek to needlessly complicate our lives, but at least you’ve got your food relationships figured out now. Best of luck with the people ones.
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