Alright I’ll admit it. I’m basic. I wear Nike shorts with huge t-shirts to class. I jam out to Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” in the car…then send out a Snapchat of said jam sesh.
I’m a huge fan of chai tea lattes, and I openly admit that I have brought my own avocado to a coffee shop to spread on toast. But most of all, I practically sweat pumpkin spice in October (which actually isn’t that hard considering this Louisiana weather).
If something has “pumpkin” in the name, it’ll probably end up in my shopping basket. However, on a recent trip to CVS, I found myself questioning my devotion to the pumpkin-spice industry.
Pumpkin cookies, pumpkin candy, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin…almonds? Where will it end? These snacks sound questionable…but I have to try them.
For this reason, my bank account currently hates me. Who new being basic could get so expensive?
So, to save you the trouble and argument with your own bank account, we gathered a team of brave souls (and strong stomachs) to taste every pumpkin-spiced snack we could find. You’re welcome.
Look at us. We’re so happy. This was obviously pre-pumpkin tasting.
1. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Cheesecake Cookies
“What are those chunks??”
“There’s a slight ginger flavor.”
“It’s like really glue-y. It’s like third grade when you used to try paste because you were curious. It’s still stuck in my teeth.”
Bottom line: There was a weird spicy aftertaste, and the “chunks” were almost cloyingly sweet. Save your money and skip these.
2. Gold Emblem Pumpkin Cookies
“It’s like a gingersnap meets an Oreo. It’s good!”
“The cream tastes like cupcake frosting.”
“Can I take these home with me?”
Bottom line: Most of the taste-testers really liked these. Gold Emblem nailed it with these gingery, spicy and creamy treats. Definitely worth the money for a quick pumpkin-cookie fix.
3. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Spice Milanos
“Where the pumpkin at?”
“Tastes like peanut butter??”
“But where’s the pumpkin or the spice or the taste?”
Bottom line: Why mess with a classic? Skip the pumpkin-spice and head straight for the original Milano.
4. Pumpkin Pie Poptarts
“Cardboard meets a Red Hot candy for two seconds.”
“It taste like cardboard that is supremely crumbly. Like it sheds.”
“Wait this actually tastes like pumpkin pie covered in Poptart frosting. I kind of dig it.”
Bottom line: If you love eating pumpkin pie for breakfast, this is definitely for you.
5. Little Debbie Pumpkin Spice Rolls
“Rich. Just Rich.”
“This is literally all cream. I can’t find any cake.”
“Do I have to eat that?”
Bottom line: Just no.
6. Blue Diamond Pumpkin Spice Almonds
“This tastes nothing like pumpkin spice.”
“It tastes like they tried to make honey-roasted almonds but gave up halfway and ended up with this.”
“Did they just toss some almonds in cinnamon powder?”
Bottom line: Why? This should not be a thing. Save your money.
7. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
“It tastes like they melted a cheap pumpkin candle and poured it between two cookies.”
“They taste just like vanilla Oreos.”
“I am eating a candle.”
Bottom line: As soon as I opened the package the whole room smelled like a Bath and Body Works vanilla brown sugar candle. These are so sweet we could barely get through one. Don’t bother.
We found that most pumpkin-spiced snacks had a common formula: a slight cinnamon flavor followed by an almost cloyingly sweet aftertaste, probably to resemble a cream cheese frosting.
Most products strayed from the actual “pumpkin” part of the “pumpkin-spice” label. So you can thank us later for saving your taste buds- and bank accounts – from some of the truly questionable pumpkin-spiced products out there.
As for me, I’ll probably still be buying up all the pumpkin in the grocery aisle, but you know what? I’m totally cool with that; I’ve never owned a pair of UGGs.