It’s no doubt that The Bachelorette is the most drama-filled and intense show on TV right now. It’s hard to admit, but it’s also the most entertaining. While I was watching this season’s most recent episode (and pondering what I was going to have for dinner), I got thinking.
What if Kaitlyn gave all of her guys food personalities instead of roses? Well… here are the official food personalities of the remaining contestants of The Bachelorette: Season 11. Check ’em ouuuuut.
Note: Our hearts still break for the 3 contestants who left last week (6/29) so we gave them a shoutout. #cupcake4ever
Ben H: Bailey’s Shamrock Shake
This guy is suave. Ben H. knows what to say and how to act at all times (where can I get myself one?). Those kinds of guys only come around once in a while… ughhhh.
Unfortunately, the Shamrock Shake only comes around once a year, and when they do, everyone runs to Mickey D’s for this specialty. Ben H. gets some Bailey’s in his shake cause he’s always drinking (just like everyone else on this show) while he is feelin’ lucky.
Jared: Specialty Sushi Roll
Jared’s most redeeming quality is that he’s super passionate. Like, all he does is talk about how much he loves Kaitlyn. For that, he’s gotta be considered a specialty sushi roll. Jared, you’re raw, sophisticated and get dressed up reeeeal nice, just like some sushi.
Joe: A Killer Panini
This guy knows what’s up. We don’t know a whole lot about him yet ’cause he hasn’t had much one-on-one time, so he may seem a little boring. Pay attention though, cause Joe is a funny guy with lots of different sides to him.
Inside two pieces of bread, there are endless possibilities and everyone, I mean everyone, loves a good panini. Ooeey, gooey goodness is what’s inside of his attractive exterior, so everyone is bound to have a soft spot in their hearts for Joe.
Nick: The $666 Douche Burger
I know this doesn’t sound real, but just hear me out. Ever since Nick showed up (MID-SEASON, NOT COOL), he’s been the bad boy that we all love to hate. He’s extravagant, over the top, ridiculous and, a lot of the time, a huge douche. He’s got so many things in common with the $666 burger. Don’t worry, nobody’s buying it, and I’m not buying your act either, Nick.
It’s hard to pick just one food for Shawn because I just keep getting distracted by this gif (wink at meeeeee, please), but he is for sure popcorn. He has this huge wall up on the outside, but when he warms up, he explodes–either with love or, more recently, anger (it all depends on if he’s dealing with Kaitlyn or Nick).
His popcorn deserves those chocolate drizzles, cause there is no doubt that he’s got a sweet tooth for Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn: White Wine Sangria
There is not one scene in the whole season where Kaitlyn isn’t holding a glass (probably the largest glass ever) of white wine, but her personality isn’t that blah. Sangria is sweet, fruity and pretty, just like this bachelorette. Oh, and did I mention: she must taste pretty good too, cause sangria is delish.
Let’s just say, Chris Harrison approves of this.
Tanner: Gorgonzola Cheese
Yeah Tanner, you’re right–you can be a little cheesy. The thing that people like about him though, is that he’s down to Earth. Gorgonzola is one of the earthiest cheeses and when it crumbles, it just goes with the flow. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’, Tanner, cause your flow is killin’ it. Even though Kaitlyn didn’t keep you.
Ben Z: Lemon Meringue Pie
Ben Z. is the big buff guy that we all thought was macho, but he has proven us wrong. Just like a lemon meringue pie, Ben Z. has a hard exterior and a soft interior. That teddy bear personality of his is the fluffy, sweet, heavenly meringue.
When you fiiiinally get down to that really good lemony stuff hidden deep down at the bottom of the pie… you know you’ve reached the emotional side of Ben Z.
But weirdly enough, that’s the shit that Kaitlyn doesn’t like.
Chris: Nutella Cupcake
Who shows up to The Bachelorette in a motorized cupcake? A freakin’ cupcake. And he’s a dentist? Welp, there’s only one thing I can say about that: dentist humor is awkward.
Chris, you’re not going to live this down, because I officially deem you a Nutella cupcake–a little nutty, pretty sweet and you’re both short, dark and handsome. A perfect fit. Sorry that Kaitlyn broke your heart, we still love you.